Mission

DHS 53/100



Over the holidays i decided to do something i've never even considered before — write a Life Mission Statement. A great many personal development books and tapes say that taking the time to write one is essential if you ever really hope to reach your potential. I've always resisted because it seemed kind of ... well ... i don't know ... not foolish, not dumb ... just ... overkill(?), too simplistic to really have an effect(?) ... as i said, i don't know.

I decided to attempt it, though, because over the course of the past several months i've decided that maybe i'm schizophrenic, and i'm only half joking. :-)

I don't know where i would draw the line, but for starters let's just put it right in the middle. 50% of me wants to be successful at a career, wants a challenging job that makes me look forward to work each day, has a very high salary, and by doing it well earns the respect of all my peers. The other 50% of me couldn't care less about a career, is completely content living on the $1,100/month i live on now, and neither needs nor wants any more material possessions than i already own (except a bigger mp3 player and more books). What is really important is my spiritual life.

As it said in one book today,

A mission statement, vital for real self-mastery, is a capsule statement of your life’s purpose and objectives. It must come from your deepest core and reflect the fundamental principles which drive you. It must inspire you and accurately represent your dreams, ideals and desires.
...

A mission statement allows you to live with greater integrity and acts as a powerful compass to keep your life pointed towards your values. ... You become proactive rather than reactive. You take charge and have complete control over each situation. You become principle centered, living in a way consistent with your fundamental values.

So, what are the fundamental principles i live by? This is where i get stuck because this is where i have to decide where that line really needs to be drawn, especially since i have to decide where to look when i go back to work someday.

Am i so fed up with employment simply because my last job provided zero stimulation and that has jaded me towards all jobs? If i found the correct challenge would my attitude change? People always say, once you find the correct job for you, you no longer work a day of your life, even if you work 24x7 at the office. It is just no longer work, you actually enjoy what you do.

Or, is it not that particular job and if i look to the core of the issue i could never give my life to any job or career because the line is really drawn over towards the spiritual side of my life? Maybe only 20% of me wants career success and the other 80%, the part that drives me, is the spiritual. Maybe it's even 10/90.

A very vocal part of me still believes that i'll never be totally satisfied with my life until i become "successful" at a good professional job. And, as soon as that part of me shoots off its mouth, another part of me immediately jumps up and rebels. I frequently find my days looking like this:

Get a job you slug.

Get a life you idiot.

Idiot? Who you calling an idiot? You lazy slug. You know you want to test yourself, to see if you have what it takes to be successful. You know you'll only do that with a job, but you're a gutless coward and aren't trying because you're afraid of failing. You FAILURE! Get off your lazy butt and get a job. Slug.

F you! 100 times! (my old sailor's tongue comes back easily when i get into arguments, sadly, although i don't usually swear in public.) You know as well as i do that a job isn't how we define success. We never have. Sure, i'd like to test myself, but that's not how i'm going to define my life.

Pure horse shit. Unadulterated, 100%. Who you trying to kid. If that were true, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You want it. You need it. You know it.

I don't think that's true. I only volunteer two days a week now. I could bump that up to four days, keep a day of yoga, run & ride my bike more, and fill the rest of my time reading and meditating. You know darn well this is what makes me happy.

And what are you going to do with that hole in you that isn't being filled but the challenge? Leave it empty? Let it fester? Let it spread like cancer and eat you up?

Oh go away, would you?

No. Get a job you slug.

....

And so it goes. And goes. And goes. And goes.

How am i supposed to write a mission statement when i can't even answer the simplest of questions? Where is that pivot point that balances these two unfulfilled potentials and lets me go the furthest i can with this life? Sighhhhhhh.....