Conversation Five

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.
Always aim for the ultimate. Never look back. Be forever mindful of others. Keep your eyes always set on the Way.

And we come to the end of these conversations. The goal was to discover and understand my "personal philosophy," the ideas that i use to guide my life. More specifically, those ideas that have remained steadfast throughout my adult life. It seems clear to me that the six that have already been discussed fulfill that purpose and have been the lamp that has lighted my path for as long as i can remember — in good years and bad, in good situations and bad, in all the ups and downs.

What also seems clear is that my personal philosophy has no mention of what is usually called worldly success. Nothing came out about a hidden desire to do whatever it takes to become massively wealthy, to be CEO of a Fortune 500 company, to run for political office and hold political power, to control people, things, money, etc. Don't get me wrong, a piece of me still wants to work in a leadership position in a good organization, but it is obvious to me that it wouldn't be the salary or the job title that attracted me to that position, it would be the ideas that i was given rein to lead people towards.

But, be that as it may, it seems that the light that shines on my path is set to automatically turn off if i sit in one spot too long, if i stop and complacently enjoy whatever rewards i have accumulated to that point. It seems that the path i chose to walk some years ago has no final destination where i can take a deep breath and say "Finally."

In a way, that is exciting, because it confirms the feelings of excitement i have always experienced when i am allowed to move forward — in every area of my life — and the feelings of unease, disappointment, and, unfortunately, mild anger when i am told just to sit still and accept stagnation. This confirmation is liberating.

However, it also quite naturally brings me to the last question, which is to ask how far do you pursue the path? If the path is endless, do you never stop moving? Isn't there some point along the trail that would naturally call for a rest, whether temporary or permanent?

The last two quotes give me a very clear and distinct answer to that question. Especially the one by the writer of the great Four Quartets, TS Eliot. "Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go." If our lives are shaped by the expectations we have of them, and the path itself is more important that the destination, then Eliot is saying (to me, anyhow) that we have to live our lives with infinitely large expectations of ourselves.

If you never push yourself to the edge of your limits, if you never reach that far wall and bounce off, if you never try and bite off too much and fail, then you will never know what your limits actually are. And until you get a sense of where your limits lie, you will never know just how much you can accomplish and how far you can go. It is only by attempting to do more than you are capable of that you can find out what your true capabilities are.

The last quote came from a movie about the Marathon Monks of Mt. Hiei, a group of very rare Tendai Buddhist monks from the main Tendai monastery north of Kyōto, Japan, that walk a minimum of one marathon a day for a thousand days over the course of six years. As they near the end, they are doing the equivalent of two plus a day, and all of this is done in the mountains. Their vow, when they decide to make the attempt, is to do or die, to either succeed, or to die trying — to find their limits, and then to push past them into the uncharted territory of their future as they redefine their expectations.

Always look for the ultimate. Like that time worn quote that you frequently read, "If you aim for the stars and fall short, you'll at least hit the moon." The opposite of that would be if you only aim for the next town and fail, you might find that you never even got out of your own town. Your goal is the ultimate. Dream big and simply expect that you will get there.

That last quote also ends with the nice point of "Keep your eyes always set on the Way," and that was defined several conversations ago as watching your life's essence unfold with confidence and good humor. Meaning, as you aim for the ultimate, as you push past the limits you previously thought you had, as you expand who and what you are into an existence you previously couldn't have imagined — accept the pitfalls and stumbles with humor, confident that you will get back on your feet and continue to move forward. (Remember Nick Vujicic!)

So, where does this leave me? In the first post about these conversations, i said, "If Jim is right, and your "personal philosophy" governs your life choices, what do these quotes say about who i am and the choices i have made? What do they say about why i am where i currently am in this life? What do they say about the choices i have to make going forward?"

All of this certainly explains why i had to leave my last position and why i was doomed to failure there. It certainly explains why i have done most of the things i have done in my life — my previous jobs, travels, etc. It also tells me why i can work up no interest in looking for another job in another office at another organization if it isn't guaranteed that growth is more important than stability. If it isn't guaranteed that growth is the job perk that is being offered.

It explains to me why my hiking boots and zafu have been more important to me than my career all these years. It tells me why i always admire those who always expect more of others than those people expect of themselves, and don't admire those who simply expect others to expect what they have. It tells me why my mp3 player is crammed full of self-improvement and Buddhism instead of music. It tells me why all the books strewn around my living room floor are the same.

It explains why most of my browser bookmarks point to the Buddhist monasteries and spiritual centers around the US and not to news sites, magazines, and music. It tells me why i fantasize about going to a monastery and doing a one year silent retreat. It tells me why Shikoku calls so loudly for me to come back one more time. It tells me why i want to write a book so badly that i can scream.

It clarifies for me the fact that as i move forward, whatever i end up doing will in some way involve defining new limits for myself. And that gets me so excited i almost pee my pants.

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And it explains why i just took five minutes before publishing this post to go over and register for the 2009 Chicago Marathon.


So, as i crane my neck trying to see just a little way down the trail i'm walking, i have two books that i'm working through to help clear my vision: The Passion Test and 48 Days to the Work You Love.


I finish this with one more "Video of the day," Wayne Dyer's 101 ways to transform your life