Melancholic Morning

A Voice

They mutilate they torment each other
with silences with words
as if they had another
life to live

they do so
as if they had forgotten
that their bodies
are inclined to death
that the insides of men
easily break down

ruthless with each other
they are weaker
than plants and animals
they can be killed by a word
by a smile by a look

Tadeusz Rozewicz

I spent the morning today watching the Japanese movie Okuribito (Departures) and it was as good as all of the advertisements said it would be. I loved it on many, many levels.

– Are you willing to take a job that revolts you when no other opportunities seem available? When your previous job had been your heart's desire? Could you move directly from your dreams to your nightmares?

– Are you willing to open yourself to the possibility that your revulsion is misplaced and that buried in the most seemingly morbid of tasks is a love and regard for humanity that people thrive on yet seem so unwilling or unable to offer themselves?

– Are you willing to acknowledge that your nightmare could be a blessing in your life? That your life is better for its existence?

– Are you willing to stand up to public ridicule for your choices in life when you know that your choices are correct, whether or not you knew that when you made them. Are you willing to endure, silently and compassionately, until the time comes when your detractors acknowledge your service and thank you?

– What if one of those detractors is your spouse? Do you reward their unquestioning love with silence and stubbornness or do you communicate your fears and uncertainties knowing your relationship is what supports both of you? Is there a place in a relationship for secrecy?

OK, let me admit here that i am a born liar. I know i promised to put it back on the bookshelf, but i couldn't make myself do it. This poem (and the one above) comes from that beautiful anthology A Book Of Luminous Things.

For The Anniversary Of My Death

Every year without knowing it I have passed the day
When the last fires will wave to me
And the silence will set out
Tireless traveler
Like the beam of a lightless star

Then I will no longer
Find myself in life as in a strange garment
Surprised at the earth
And the love of one woman
And the shamelessness of men
As today writing after three days of rain
Hearing the wren sing and the falling cease
And bowing not knowing to what

W. S. Merwin

While alive, we are surprised by the smallest of things. If you are honest enough, you may wonder why, given all your lacks, that one person has chosen to love you so selflessly. Why, given all their humanity, man can intentionally and shamelessly harm one another. Why, given the harm and damage we intentionally do, the earth continues to support and sustain us. Surprises abound if you keep your eyes and heart open. What surprises us, and how we react to it, define much of our lives, telling us and others who we are. The luckiest of people live lives full of surprises and never stop working to accept them into their lives.

Realistically, though, there will be a day, sometime in the future, when my ability to be surprised comes to an end. A day will come that a few people will remember as the anniversary of the day i died. And then, after a few years, like wind blown leaves erasing all indications of a child's doodlings in the sand beneath a tree, the memories of my life, the indications that i was ever here, will slowly fade and one day disappear altogether. And then the silence of who i am, of who i was, that remains after my departure, will diffuse and permeate the universe; existing everywhere, yet unseen, unheard, and never ending.

"And bowing not knowing to what." That's the job of the Nōkanshi in the movie. Their job isn't simply to prepare the body for burial or cremation, anyone can do that. Their job is to prepare those that remain behind, and they do that by offering heart-felt respect to the deceased, and pointing out and bowing to, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, that "knowing not what" that makes us who we are, that enlivens us, that kindles that fire we call life.

Some people's fires burn fast and furious, some simmer long and slow, some start out as a slow simmer and later in life flare up into raging forest fires, some start out as raging bonfires and then die down into smoldering embers that accomplish little but last for years. Yet, it is this fire, as unpredictable as it is, that we are all so attached to. We take it for granted in ourselves and in those others in our lives. Even though we know, deep within, that we shouldn't.

As for standing up to public ridicule and some people's need to occasionally do that, i remind myself of the words of Tadeusz Rozewicz above. What have we become as a species, us humans? We mutilate each other, we torment each other — both silently and with words. We seem to have forgotten that life is a privilege that we all share in common, yet is something not all that easily come by. That life is a blessing that everyone, in every corner of the world, worships upon its arrival.

Yet, as much as people talk of love and compassion, we are both completely ruthless with each other and weaker than the weakest of plants — able to be killed by the slightest word, the most imperceptible of smiles, or simply by a look. We like to think we are strong beyond measure, but in reality we are as fragile as smoke rings in the air.

And when our ultimate weakness makes its appearance in our lives, that is when the Nōkanshi steps into the picture. At that final moment, as your loved one begins their next journey to "we know not where," the Nōkanshi reminds us of the existence of that "we know not what" and shows us once again how to bow in respect, reverence, and admiration, thus giving us yet another chance to recognize its existence in those still alive.