Shadowboxing With Truth

how to explain 
i'm not that 
not ever 
not never 
not now 
 
as dreams aren't real 
outside of sleep 
wake up and see 
you're not what you think 
only the dreamer thinks 
 
in that silence 
behind thoughts 
lies what you are but 
look for it and 
it can't be found 
 
it doesn't exist 
it is not something 
it is not nothing 
you're not it 
because you're not 
 
even though  
i typed these words 
thought them up 
and spit them out 
for you to read 
 
now not 
never not 
ever not 
that not i am 
how to explain 
 
stop the fight 
just sit 
just be 
without expectations 
not it appears