Conversation Three

Our lives are shaped by our expectations, not by our accomplishments.
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.

Now we get to the crux of the problem — If stopping to smell the roses is more important than just running right by them in pursuit of the trail's end, is that the end of the story? Do we just drift aimlessly through life enjoying the "here and now?"

What a goofy idea that would be! No, as i said before, "Choose a direction, set a goal, look for mile posts along the way, but don't lose sight of the path." That in no way implies wandering aimlessly. I don't believe even Eckhart Tolle lives only in the "here and now." He certainly understands its importance, he is certainly right about its fundamental importance to our lives, but he also sets goals, makes plans, and understands that some portion of his thinking has to be concerned with the future.

Here's a cheap analogy for looking at how to live in the here and now. It's the good old Pope-mobile. When the grand leader of the Catholic church is out and about, he moves around in his Pope-mobile. While in it, he is encapsulated in this big glass bubble; he can't get out of it, but from inside of it, he can see all around — ahead, behind, to both sides, up, and down.

But, while in this fine mobile, the pope doesn't just sit there with his head buried in his hands or in a book, or staring at the floor. He may be confined, with no way to get out, but he remains focused on life on the outside of the bubble as he continues to progress forward.

Likewise, we are absolutely encapsulated in the almighty here and now. We couldn't get out even if we wanted to. There is no way to go back to the past and no way to go to the future. There is no way to instantaneously transport to somewhere else either. But, in any case, even if you could, when you got there you would still be here now, just at that different time and/or place.

But (and this is the key!), this here and now, while it confines you in its grasp, is not a place or a time of confinement. It is infinite in scope, infinite in scale. It is the source of all that ever was and the unlimited potential of all that ever will be. It is eternity in length and infinite in size. From here and now you can look back to the past, look forward to the future, and look all around at what is happening with all of the other people in their own here and now.

To truly live life, you have to accept the fact that you only live in the here and now, while at the same time accepting that that here and now is bigger than all eternity. And you have to learn to keep your focus outwards and constantly move forward, just like the pope in is pope-mobile, whether in the professional world, your spiritual life, or however you choose to focus your life's efforts. (And i'll remind you once more, as i said previously, moving forward could mean giving up more, becoming less, and offering more of yourself to others.)

(It's worth pointing out here that stagnant water goes foul and becomes a health risk. Stagnant air goes bad and becomes unbreathable. A lack of movement breeds dis·ease.)

Which leads me directly to the first quote, although i no longer remember where i found it: "Our lives are shaped by our expectations, not by our accomplishments."

You can't move forward if your focus is on your accomplishments, what you did in the past, what is already done, completed, over. You can only move forward if you focus in that direction. And that direction has a very special lamp that is used to light the trail — your expectations. If you have no expectations your trail will be dark. If you have no expectations you will have no way to see the trail and, therefore, no way to move forward. You have to have expectations to move forward.

And, the size of your expectations, their grandeur, their breadth, their brilliancy, will decide how far you can see, how well you can see the pitfalls and the possibilities ahead. And with these insights, so is your life defined.

Yes, your current condition, your current position may be, and probably is, defined by your accomplishments. That is very true. But if that is all you are looking at, you're in danger of becoming stagnant, will all the problems that entails. I'm talking about your life, that never stopping flow of time and space, that never stopping here and now you live in, the one that is always moving towards the future. That life is shaped by your expectations, NOT by your accomplishments.

So, in order to make a life, a life worth living, you need great expectations of yourself. Once you have great expectations, everything else will follow. Everything else has to follow. To get to that stage, you have to work on your thinking.

Even as far back as the Buddha's time, everyone knew that as you think, so you will live. The compilers of the Dhammapada thought this was so important that they started the book with just these thoughts, and put it this way:

We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind and trouble will follow you
As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.

We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with a pure mind and happiness will follow you
As your shadow, unshakable.

"Look how he abused me and hurt me,
How he threw me down and robbed me."
Live with such thoughts and you live in hate.

"Look how he abused me and hurt me,
How he threw me down and robbed me."
Abandon such thoughts, and live in love.

Our thoughts shape our perceptions. Our perceptions change the world that we see. Change your perceptions and you change the world in which you live. Change your thoughts and you change your perceptions. It really is as simple as that.

Marcel Proust may have said it the best when he said: "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." He is speaking directly to the same point; by having new eyes, a new way to view the world, you can and will make fascinating discoveries — about yourself, about others, about yor life, about Life. How do you find a new way to view the world? By changing your perceptions. How do you do that? By changing the way you think.

The Dalai Lama has a good analogy for how we view the world and how that affects our life. He compares our mental focus to that of a camera lens. When your focus is predominantly on yourself, you and your problems fill the entire lens; it's hard to see anyone else in the picture. However, when you pull back the focus, when you widen the lens and focus on the world, on everyone else, the picture is filled with other people; you and your problems no longer dominate the picture. It is in these conditions that your viewpoint changes and discoveries are made.

It's not easy, though, to widen that focus, to take yourself out of the picture. Joseph Campbell knew that when he pointed out once that you can't make an omelet without breaking the eggs. Or, at another time when he said that we must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

You have to have expectations, but you have to be flexible and know that "life happens." But, without those expectation, nothing happens. It has been said by a great many people that you can't hope to cross the ocean if you always stay safely tied up in the harbor. Or, that if you don't know what port you are headed for, no winds are favorable.

So, have grand and great expectations of yourself. Think great thoughts, thoughts that will naturally lead you to have larger than life expectations of yourself. Then look outward, look for the trail head that calls you. Don't look for an easy trail to walk, they seldom offer any scenery of consequence. Look for a trail that offers both scenery and challenge.

You aren't looking for any superficial search. No swimming on the surface. Swim deep. Dive down. Think thoughts that include words like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, and modesty.

Most self-improvement literature today talks only about how to get rich. How to make lots and lots of money with minimal effort. "The business runs itself." "Make money while you sleep." The journey i'm talking about is not about making money; it's about finding out who you are, how you relate to all the other people of the world, how you relate to Life itself.

Sure i want money. I'd love to have lots and lots of it. Storerooms full. I could give most of it away, use some to travel, save some for retirement, pay off the debts of family and friends. But, that's not the journey that gets me excited. That makes me jump out of bed with excitement when my cherry blossom tree is blooming. That draws me back to Shikoku in the spring.

In that journey, i do have extraordinary expectations. Unfortunately, in the more mundane professional world, this haiku might summarize my current expectations for myself.

What's it all about?
Sit and think. Expectations?
Plop. Wipe. Flush. Oh my.

:-) (sheepish grin)