"And the secret of my sword, like the secret of any conquest we make in our lives, was the simplest thing in the world: it was what I should do with the sword. I had never thought in these terms. Throughout our time on the Strange Road to Santiago, the only thing I had wanted to know was where it was hidden. I had never asked myself why I wanted to find it or what I needed it for. All of my efforts had been bent on reward; I had not understood that when we want something, we have to have a clear purpose in mind for the thing that we want. The only reason for seeking a reward is to know what to do with that reward. And this was the secret of my sword."
I could be wrong, but my guess is that a great many first time henro on Shikoku also start their walk focused solely on a reward. What am 'I' going to get out of this? What am 'I' going to gain? And that's where they stop. Rarely, i think, do they take it to the next level and ask themselves what they will do with those gains once they receive them, what they will do with the benefits that accrue over the course of the two months it takes to walk the henro trail. And because they don't take that next step, after the walk is over and they return home all of the gains and benefits dissipate.
The reason this happens is because it is 'I' that makes that first walk. It is your ego in those sweaty boots looking for a reward, and you let it, without an understanding of what you want those rewards for, without an understanding of what those rewards can be used for, without an understanding of how to use those rewards to reduce 'I' and bring out you.
I'm not suggesting that ego is an entirely bad thing. Without our egos, we would all still be living like cavemen and women. Without our egos, we would all still be living short and relatively unhealthy lives. Without our egos, civilization would not progress. Ego is a good thing. But, ego should be no different than the suit you put on to go to work. It should be recognized for what it is — the outer clothes that you put on to differentiate yourself from others as you interact with the rest of the world. The real you is underneath those clothes.
The real you isn't concerned with progress, success, fame, fortune, and all of that, even if the ego is completely addicted to it. The real you isn't worried about tomorrow even if the ego can think of nothing else. The real you can't hate anyone because the real you is everyone. The real you isn't thinking about the next temple, the next night's lodging, being a good henro, or whether or not you'll even finish the walk. The real you, that man behind the mask, that woman inside the suit, is only concerned with one thing — and there's no word for it. The real you simply is, step-by-step, breath-by-breath, from the moment you leave Temple 1 until the moment you return.
So, i ask you, why do you want whatever you happen to be seeking at the current moment? Why do you want to become whatever it is you are trying to become at the current moment? What are you grasping for in your life? What do you intend to do with it once you find it? It's not enough just to want it, you have to understand what you want it for. You have to know what you will do with it once you get it.
And then i'll ask, why do you want to become a henro? What do you intend to do with yourself once you become one? Somewhere along the trail, most of you will find yourself on the side of another road and realize that I has been missing for the last hour; you will find yourself climbing a steep trail to another temple and I will be so tired it shuts up and the real you will peek out from behind the curtain. What will you do with that wonderful opportunity?
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