Boring Buddhism

Road Kill 19

Quads burning like fire
And still no one rides no bike
The wheel spins and spins

Too tired to write much, but one more thought along the lines of yesterdays post.

Walking the path is harder than it appears at first, i think. While it may seem murderously hard to give up the trappings of a materialistic life and move to a simpler life of introspection and inquiry, it can be almost as difficult to keep yourself from swinging to the other extreme once that move has been made.

For a long time, even as you walk the path, there is still a sense of 'I,' 'someone' who is 'walking' 'the path.' And because this path leads to that mystical place called enlightenment and that magical thing called nirvana, everything is an adventure. The path is a journey of discovery, seeking new states of mind, new identities, new rules to live by.

But the truth, as i said yesterday, is in that boring flatland lying between these two views. That place with nothing to see, nothing to do, no definition, and nothing to find. And this is hard to see because there is still that piece of ego firmly entrenched inside who is telling us that it has to be more than that; there has to be something i can find and define.

When i talk about giving up the search, surrendering, and giving up the chase for answers, i mean exactly that. Giving up. Surrendering. That doesn't mean giving up, but keeping a small portion of your mind working to study the current situation in order to find how it works. That doesn't mean surrendering, but keeping a small portion of your mind working to find a possible escape route. This means no more and no less than giving up. Surrendering.

Sit on your zafu and let yourself melt into all of reality as it is. Don't think about it, don't analyze it, don't try and define it, but know that as you sit there reality, all that is and all that isn't, what is before is and isn't, ... that reality is manifesting as that body you call yours on the cushion you call yours, in this time called now and that place called here. Reality is manifesting. Period.

Thoughts may come and go, but that has no bearing on what you are doing. Let them come and go without dwelling on them. Sensations may come and go. Let them come and go. Perceptions may come and go. Let them come and go. That is all part of reality. You are reality. Sitting is reality. Your zafu is reality. Everything and nothing is reality.

This path isn't about discovery and adventure, it's about letting go of discovery and adventure just as it is about letting go of me, mine, and all those things i used to define myself with. The path is about coming to understand that even though no one is riding no bike, my quads were killing me on the final couple of hills today. The path is about coming to understand that while reality is all there is when sitting on my zafu, reality is all there is when i'm calling that jerk with the dog an asshole and losing my temper.

And this is exactly why i love the henro trail on Shikoku as much as i love the henro trail on a zafu. They may seem like different places but they aren't. Shikoku for me is a two month walking meditation retreat. It's a chance to give up my ordinary life and step into reality in its wholeness. It's a chance to give up adventure and discovery and step into reality in its oneness.

The henro trail is a chance to see each moment of the day as everything. To see everything as empty yet obviously there. To see existence from outside the normal confines of time. The henro trail, for me, is that boring place where i can Be, and no more. Where Being can manifest as me, one step and one breath at a time.

There's no room for emotion here, whether that's anger and pride or exhilaration awe.

The Middle Way

Two comments from readers of a previous post.

"The 'opening up' you describe is exciting—even exhilarating! We can walk the path of life with eyes focused narrowly ahead, closing our selves off to the possibilities for discovery around us. Or, we can view the journey as an adventure in which the norm is to be surprised and we expect to 'unlearn' something in every encounter. Each piece of our old self we leave behind makes our step lighter and more joyous. How exciting is that!"

and

"I guess it's scary for me because I'm so incredibly entrenched in my ego. So so so entrenched. I think it is absolutely terrifying to be truly kind to people and to yourself especially, to be vulnerable, to surrender, to be open like that because it requires a rebellion against that ego, to turn away from your attachment to all the things that make you feel worthy of love. Surrendering!! that means humility, humiliation even, vulnerability, complete lack of control, etc etc."

While these may seem, at first glance, to be diametrically opposing view of our path, they have more in common that you would think when you look carefully.

The second may be where a great many people start from. When all in life is going well, when most things you encounter daily bring satisfaction, there is nothing to instigate a search for something new, a new way of living. Why change when you're already happy and content? Then, for whatever reason, something comes up and you realize that there is a piece missing in your life. It may start as no more than a nagging doubt or an irritating question, but sooner or later, if you take life seriously that question, that doubt will grow.

For the lucky ones, and i'm serious about that, the doubt will explode into a complete refusal to continue to accept life on the terms you have lived it to that date. You know something's wrong, something in the rules you have lived by seem completely out of whack. Yet, when someone tries to point out where that 'whackiness' is, that, too, seems so completely backwards that your brain revolts even more. You no longer know which way to turn. But the tipping point has been reached and you are forced to make a change, to give up the old ways.

Then there are those who have done what needed doing and find their way onto the path. After a while the new rules start to make sense. The sense of loss coming from shedding the old rules starts to fade and the new path seems like an adventure, an expedition to new lands, new cultures, new experiences accompanied by all these wonderful people who love life, who see past the materialism that pervades the lands "back there." Life on this trail can seem like a rebirth and can be exhilarating.

So what do these to ways of looking at it have in common? Both still see the world through the eyes of an individual ego. Both still see the world through a gate with 'me' on one side and the world on the other. I suppose i sound like that as well in some of my writings — words can be miserably difficult to use sometimes.

But the truth lies in between those two comments. Somewhere between the despair and exhilaration.

The path as i see it is only reached when you have finally convinced yourself that no matter how hard it will be to stop the ego's rule over your life, you commit to trying. You commit to letting yourself accept that who you are is not who most people think you are. As frightening as surrender sounds, you make the commitment. Until you do, you're stuck in hell.

You've just been fired from your job. It came out of the blue and you never saw it coming. But, it happened and you were shown to the door. As you sit at the nearby park, you rant, you rave, you scream and shout, you agonize about the injustice of it, the unfairness of it, your stomach is in knots, you can't even think straight. You swear and curse, throw sticks and stones at the closest tree. How could this be possible. They can't do this. They have no right. I was the best, everyone knows that. I was on my way up, that was obvious to all. I was highly respected by all my peers, people told me that on numerous occasions. I've never wanted to do anything but this with my life. Never. What will people say? What will my parents say? My family? My friends? Now what?

Now what?

Now what?

And slowly, acceptance starts to settle in. It has happened. Your life has changed. Who you were is no longer who you are. It's a struggle for a while, but as time passes and you realize that your family and friends haven't abandoned you, you begin to settle into a quieter life with more time to think, more time to reflect. And then someone suggests a job in a new field and after working there for a while you find you love it. You love your new life, your new opportunities, your new friends. And people begin mentioning that you are a much better friend, much better family member. A nicer person. A person people are comfortable with.

Was the original loss humbling? Of course. Was it humiliating? Of course. Frightening? Of course. Until you look back at it from the viewpoint of your new life.

But what would happen if you learned all the lessons except the ambition, the need to get ahead, the need to be the best? Then even this new life poses great risks.

The key on this path is to see that the goal isn't in the adventure. The goal isn't in giving things up. The goal isn't becoming something new. All of this will happen, of course, but not because it's something you do but because of what you don't do.

Walking this path means learning to Be. Walking this path means accepting that everything you used to think is only partially true and of partial use. Walking this path means accepting that no matter how hard it is to understand, there is no you and me, there is no in here and out there, there is no birth and death, there is no path and non-path, there is no nirvana and samsara. Walking this path means accepting that your most important daily activity, no matter what else you do, is to accept that everything you see, everything you hear, everything you taste, everything, is you.

Everything.

Walking this path means learning to Be. Walking this path means coming to see that everything you think immediately takes you away from who you are. Walking this path means coming to see that everything you believe is your one-sided view and not an accurate description of who you are. Walking this path means coming to see that there are no discoveries to be made, no adventures to be had, no grand vistas to be seen. Who you are is not an experience so none of these are possible.

On one side is an irrational fear of letting go of your stories. On the other side is a walk in a more pleasant meadow but care must be taken to not try and label all the trees, flowers, and wildlife you see during your walk.

I often describe the henro trail as boring. I would describe the true path as boring as well. There is no excitement in this search. There is no excitement in following the Way. But there will be a day when you realize that having stayed on the path was the wisest thing you ever did. There is no goal, but where you end up will be a marvelous place indeed, no matter how boring it may seem to others.

Scared Yet?

In an email correspondence i've recently had with someone considering the henro trail, a couple of interesting points came up; interesting enough that i thought i'd address them here rather than in an email to one person alone.

The first point seems pretty simple, but maybe for someone finding themselves at the trail head of the path for the first time it may not be that obvious.

"Some people tell me that I don't have to go on a ridiculously long walk to find answers, that it can start now...which is true. But it is so freaking hard to escape all the NOISE and STUFF..."

One of the reasons a good teacher is of importance is for just this problem. Your friends and family, everyone you know, has an opinion and are more than willing to share it with you even though they aren't practitioners and, therefore, don't know what they are talking about. Or, only have a limited clue.

Maybe the reason people think they can tell you that you don't need to do [something] in order to find "the answers" is because they aren't asking the same questions you are. For the majority of people, "the answers" can be found in their everyday life, in the messages they receive from friends, from the television, from the radio, from newspapers & magazines. This is the old adage of grow up, get a job, start a family, and everything will take care of itself. It's worked for everyone else, hasn't it?

Has it? That's the question to ask yourself. Have those options, those sources of information, shown anyone on this path even a glimpse of an answer that seems to address the questions that rattle around in your head? The obvious answer should be no. I'm not saying that their questions and answers are wrong, i'm only pointing out that their answers are not related to the questions you may have. Unless the person you are talking to can show that they are asking the same questions you are, why would you accept their answer as relevant?

The second part of this is to say, though, that they are right. You don't need to go on a long walk to find any answers. You don't need to go to a meditation retreat to find any answers. You don't need to do anything special to find any answers. That's all true. BUT, for most people, you have to learn somewhere and, as mentioned, until you get the basics under your belt the noise and chatter of everyday life is just too much to overcome on your own. There's the radio, TV, the internet, Facebook, Twitter, mobile phones, mp3 players, ... the list goes on and on. It almost takes a superman/woman to be able to say "enough is enough" and disconnect for short periods of time on a regular basis.

It can be done, though. Lots of people do it. Daily.

Absolutely commit to a daily period of meditation, either early in the morning, as soon as you get up, or just before bed. Commit. Leave no room for doubt. Even if it's only for 5 minutes. Then once a month commit to an hour on one day. Two thirty minute sittings, four 15 minute sittings, or even six ten minute sittings, stretched throughout the day. Anytime between getting up in the morning and going back to bed that night. The key is sticking with it, not giving in to discouragement and apathy.

Do you need to go on a long walk? No, but it's a great place to start without the normal distractions. Do you need to sign up for a meditation retreat somewhere? No, but it's a great place to start. Or, just ask around until you find someone who already meditates in your town and contact them. Tell them, "listen, i'm new to this, and can't afford a full retreat anywhere, but i really want to learn to meditate. Can you teach me the basics?" Who would say no?

Later, in response to my saying, about the henro trail:

"Will it solve all the problems in your life? Will it give you all the answers you may be looking for? It certainly doesn't make problems disappear, but i personally believe all the answers are there, waiting to be found, but you have to open yourself wide enough to let them in."

Their reply was simple:

"That's scary."

I don't ever remember finding the path scary so it's hard for me to understand this point. Zen, for me, was always a no-brainer, so obviously true, so obviously pointing in the right direction, so obviously pointing to pertinent and valuable answers that it was just the obvious thing to do.

I never found it disconcerting to hear that i may not be who i thought i was, that the world may not be what we think it is, that the way most people live their lives, that the way i had been living my life, was leading in a direction opposite where my heart wanted to go. As far back as i can remember my response has always been, "Ok, then what do you think it's like? Show me."

What does it mean to "open yourself wide enough to let [the answers] in"? It doesn't entail "doing" anything. It entails stopping what you are currently doing, it means throwing in the towel and surrendering to your questions. It means giving up the chase for answers where you have been looking for them up to now.

Opening yourself simply means setting aside your past and turning off worries about the future and seeing what life looks like only in the present moment. For five minutes if that's all you can manage, but eventually for hour after hour, day after day. Open yourself to what this present moment contains, as it is, unadulterated by all those thoughts of what it should be or what you wish it would be. Uncontaminated by what you have been conditioned to believe it is supposed to be.

Let Life be who you are, forget who you think you are (gender, race, nationality, religion, social level, parental status, friendship status, etc).

"Opening" isn't something you do, it's something you don't do. It's letting go of what you used to do and seeing what presents itself with this new mindset.

This path seems to many to be a place where you learn things. It's not. It's a place where you unlearn everything. It's where you leave bits and pieces of who you were along the side of the trail because you realize they are no longer needed, or wanted. Where you drop off unneeded baggage because carrying it no longer makes sense. Scary? I don't think so. I'd call it liberating.

Don't Know

Road Kill 18

I just don't know, eh
Of course that may surprise you
But not who you are


Same routine. Same old pair of running shoes. Same old Dave. Same search on the side of the same local roads. Same weather as yesterday — clear skies with the temperature in the upper 70s. Beautiful day to be out running, even if it didn't go all that well.

It may surprise you; that may be unclear. But who you are has no troubles with it. Because that's who you are. It and that are such simple words, and yet...

What's The Point?

Road Kill 17


'Tween each pedal stroke
Without choice where's up or down
Just here now, or not


Another spring. Another riding season. Another me. Another day's allotment to find the unfindable on the side of the local roads. Beautiful mid-70s sunny morning with typical spring winds, little traffic, rice balls and tea in the saddlebag, Dogen in my handlebar bag for a lunch companion, and a mind that was pleasantly and surprisingly quiet and still. It's hard to ask for more.


Got back from Shikoku just about two weeks ago. A film crew from London hired me to get them around parts of the henro trail for a TV documentary they are making. It will be a six part, six-hour series, with each program focusing on a different religious pilgrimage around the world. The obvious one's are the Hindu pilgrimage to Kumb Mela in India, the Muslem pilgrimage to Mecca, the Catholic pilgrimage to Lourdes in France, and for the Buddhists, they chose the henro trail on Shikoku. They are doing all the filming and editing this year and it will show on PBS in the US in 2014, next year. The title of the series will be Sacred Journeys, look for it on a PBS station near you.


It was somewhere between interesting and fascinating to watch a small group (the film crew) of non-Buddhists and non-henro try to make sense of the henro trail in just two short weeks. In the end, i think they got a lot of good material and will turn out a very nice introduction to what and where the henro trail is. Did they capture what the pilgrimage is, though? Did they capture what a true henro is attempting to accomplish while walking the trail? Did they film all the bits and pieces of a henro's life that he/she sheds and leaves along the sides of the road as they progress around the island? Did they find, and film, all the expectations and hopes that henro leave tied to tree branches here and there as they realize that they no longer serve a purpose and can be left for those still looking and hoping?


The henro trail is, on its best days, magnificently nothing, or, maybe phrased a little better, nothing in all its magnificence. Someone outside of the film crew asked me while there about meditation, or meditating while walking, or something along those lines. The question was something along the lines of why would anyone do that. To which i offered something like to figure out who you are? The response to that stunned me, even though i know it shouldn't have — What's the point of that? I didn't even know what to say so i let it drop and let the subject change naturally.


Why on earth would anyone do that? What is the point of spending time looking at who and what we are? What earthly purpose could any investigation into that magically mundane place called here and now serve? Could i push you to see It if we walked the henro trail together over two months? Would It be any clearer after than it was before? Without spending time, without going anywhere, could you lose your way for two months and 1,400 km? What's the point of That?


I'm hoping to walk the trail again in a couple of years. That gives me time to save up the rest of what i need. In the meantime, i'm back home and back in the saddle and running shoes.

Making Up Stories

I'm working with someone who is going to Shikoku to make a documentary about the henro trail, or, more specifially, the life of a henro on the henro trail. My job is only logistics, nothing having to do with the making of the storyline or the movie itself. That requires people with brains and all i ever got when i made my apperance was a pair of boots, which i like to believe i've put to good use. :-)

But as the process is progressing, i find it fascinating to watch as the storyline is snapped together, scene by scene, like interconnecting squares that, when all snapped together, make one seamless floor in someone's garage or basement. Or, i suppose, to be more poetic, like brush stroke after brush stroke until the masterpiece is right there in front of your eyes and, in which, only experts see any brush strokes at all.

So what am i getting at? Someone standing outside the henro trail looking in, and then telling the story of what being a henro is like. In a way, defining, for everyone that watches the final product, exactly what a henro is and what the henro experience is all about.

I'm not criticizing or saying it's impossible, just noticing. And then pulling that back into my life, our lives. All but a relative minoriy of people in this world define themselves not by ideas or experiences they have had themselves, but by ideas and experiences that other people have had and told them they need to pay attention to.

The majority of people define themselves according to what they have been told by their parents, teachers, friends, co-workers, bosses, and many others. From the day we are born we are offered a carrot or a stick so that we learn to behave in one way or another, so that we learn to accept the 'story' about others that is accepted in our group, so that we learn what to feel is important, unimportant, valuable, worthless, correct, uncorrect. We are spoon fed these stories all our lives and most, without blinking an eye, simply accept them and believe we came up with them on our own.

Why then, do some brave people take those first tentative steps down the henro trail, whether on Shikoku or the generalized one in life? How do some get up the nerve the peek around the curtain and notice that life isn't really what we have been led to believe it is? I'm not offering answers here, just musing aloud. It's a fascinating question.

And an even more interesting questions for me personally is why do some who walk the henro trail on Shikoku actully rip the curtain down while others may peek around and then say, "OK, been there, done that," and then walk away from it?

I like to look at my days sometimes and notice, really, really notice that my day isn't one seamless continuum, that it's not this smooth continuous flow but one discrete experience after another, each in some way connected to the one before it and the one after it (cause and effect), yet each discrete and standing alone in it's own right.

And then i like to remind myself that there is a space, miniscule in size, between any two of those experiences. And that it is in those miniscule gaps where we make up our minds on what to do, what to say, how to react, how to respond each time. But this almost always takes place subconsciously, with no overt thought on what we think, how we feel, or the emotions that pop up. Why? Because we have been spoon fed that "story" all our lives and we have internalized it to such an extent that we no longer need to think about it.

Being on the henro trail is where i work on those gaps. While in everyday life they can be miniscule in size, in my boots or on my zafu, those gaps can, if i work at it, slowly expand, growing wider and wider, until they suddenly get wide enough for you to see what is actually taking place inside. And it will shock you when you see it.

Then, with just a little more work, the gaps expand until they cover the entire horizon, and maybe for the first time, you see reality as it is, from inside the gap, with those curtains pushed all the way to the side. Pick your favorite window at home; the one with the best view outside. Place a chair in front of the window and close the curtains. Then sit there looking at the curtain until you get calm and your mind quiets down. Then open the curtain and sit back down. Then pay attention and notice the difference in your body, your mind, your feelings, your emotions as the expanded view opens onto that scenery.

Now imagine how much more powerful it would be when that secenery is Life itself. Not your life, not my life, or anyone else's life. Life.

And you haven't bought boots for your trip to the henro trail yet?

Dave's Dog Pee'd On The Carpet

Mystic Meandering commented:

"I have not withdrawn from the world to intensely follow a 'path' so there is no in or out, and yet 'the world' with its requirements keeps pulling me back into its vortex and 'that Being' - that awareness of Being - keeps disappearing back into the smoke and mirrors... Very disconcerting..."

This is, i think, one of the hardest things i ever learned, or, maybe more accurately, the one that took me the longest — Getting over the disconcertedness of the path.

Why is anything disconcerting? Because it is playing with our emotions. Because something isn't working out the way we had planned or hoped it would. Because what we are experiencing isn't what we had expected when we first set out on our 'path.' Because our path is taking us in directions and/or to places we never, ever expected.

Two points here.
1) The thing to keep in mind is that 'that Being' never, ever, ever disappears. In your most beautifully sublime moments, during your worst case of vomiting and diarrhea, and everything in-between, Being is there. Always there. Being is all you are, all that is.

Nothing's disappearing, it's simply that we mindlessly allow the clouds of illusion to settle back over our minds keeping it just out of sight. And this is easy to fight, even in the most hectic life it's easy to notice when this awareness has slipped behind the clouds again.

I remember many decades ago when i heard Thich Nhat Hanh point out that, instead of getting frustrated when we get stuck at a red light when driving somewhere, tell the light thank you and take that one minute to turn the mind off and follow your breath, or just notice your breath, or whatever else you want to practice. That is one free minute of awareness training you wouldn't have given yourself otherwise, so say thank you to the stop light.

I fell in love with that practice immediately. Then took it into the grocery store. Instead of reading magazines while waiting in the checkout line, i would focus on simply Being. You don't have to think, when the person moves in front of you you move. If they don't, you don't. It's sort of like grocery store kinhin. Another great place to practice.

Then take it into any elevators you happen to ride on. Any lines at the coffee shop. Every time you hang up the phone, take two breaths and notice that you are.

Next time you look at your kids, or husband/wife/significant other, or the person in the car next to you, or the woman at the cash register at the store,..... remind yourself that that is you. Remind yourself that what you really are is manifesting as both you and that other person. Remind yourself as you look out the window and see a tree. And on and on. Every so often take no more than 5 seconds to say "will you look at that, i look different in that body than this one."

Training yourself to be aware more often throughout the day isn't all that hard. It just takes a little effort.

2) Expectations. Get over them.

I would guess that the hardest part of 'the path' for most people is that they go into it with expectations of some wonderful experience. Some lightbulb going off and changing the way they view their lives. They way they view Life. Some wonderful thing happening where the 'truth' is suddenly showed to them. Nonsense.

The 'truth' isn't some experience. It isn't any knowledge that you can explain to other people. It's not an aha moment where you suddenly 'know' something you didn't before.

The 'truth,' if we want to call it that, is nothing other than what is, is, and as soon as you apply thoughts, words, and concepts to it you've changed it and it's no longer the truth. When you sit at that stop light and just breath, silently, not thinking about anything, the truth is. When you play grocery store kinhin, just being for those few minutes, with no thoughts, but fully aware, truth is.

The truth is not an experience. The truth has no experiences, no experiencing, and nothing experienced. The truth is Being. Awarefully Being. Period.

Accept that, and accept that 24/7/365 you can be nothing other than Being, no matter what is happening in and with the life of the person whose body you happen to be manifesting in, and there is no reason to be disconcerted. Shit's happening? Well, look at that. Smashed that finger with a hammer? Well, look at that. My dog just pee'd on the carpet? Well, look at that. That person they call me just got a pay raise? Well, look at that.

We can train ourselves to see that we are not this body we inhabit. We are not this personality everyone blames us for. We are not the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that psychologist say we are.

We are. Period.