Essentially Nothing...

Vows

2012-02-08T13:18:00.003-06:00

Just thinking aloud today...

I have gotten so completely off track in my readings over the past year. I'm not sure how it started, but it might have been two decisions. First, i decided to spend three years with the Bhagavad Gita, something i last read way back in the 80s. What i decided to do is to spend 2011 reading a commentary on the Gita by Venkatesananda. That was the second time to read it, the first being in 2010; but that first time was just a once through over the course of a week. Last year i actually followed the daily reading plan as he lays it out in the commentary.

From there things got completely out of hand and i decided to read Chinmayananda's commentary this year, following the same daily plan that Venkatesananda laid out. I also decided that next year i will read Bhagavad-Gita As It Is, by Prabhupada following the same plan. After that, i will put the Gita away and move on. Three years is enough for any one book, no matter how good its message. (Except for the Shōbōgenzō, that is. Sheepish grin.)

The second decision was when i got curious about James Swartz's teachings on Vedanta. I actually like a lot of what he says and writes and spend a fair amount of time with him of late. But, my hope is to set him aside this summer as well and spend only occasional time with him after that.

It's funny, but i have noticed this feeling lately that i hear other people talk about when they travel a lot. "Nothing's wrong, everything is going well, but i just want to go home and sleep in my own bed." I don't get that feeling, no matter how long i am on the road, so i can't say i understand it all that well, but i'm getting that feeling for the books and commentary from my standard Zen authors and teachers.

I even want to put down the books on Tibetan Buddhism, as much as i absolutely love the message and teachings of the Dalai Lama and the path laid out in the Lamrim teachings. They are magnificent. But my heart seems to be saying, "Enough with magnificent, enough with lofty ideas, just go home, curl up on the sofa with simplicity and truth, and be that. It's time for a break."

Having said all that, this comes from Krishnananda's Philosophy of the Bhagavad Gita, and i was reminded of it after rereading Katagiri's writings from yesterday. You may not see the connection between them, but it is there for me.

"The difficulties mentioned, in a few words, in the first chapter of the Bhagavadgita are not ordinary jokes or mere stories told to us for our cajolement. These things are the difficulties of human nature as such. It is not just my difficulty or your difficulty. Anyone who is human shall have to pass through these stages.

"Who can ever gainsay that one does not think in terms of gains and losses, in the light of one’s relationship with the world outside and human society externally. We love and hate and have our ways in this complex of relationship in the world and in all human affairs. Where does God come in here into this picture? The notion of God has also been a frightening factor many a time in the history of human thought. And there have been as many ideas of God as there are people in this world. There are those who denied the very existence of such a thing as God, because of the fact that there are no proofs adequate enough to convince us of God’s existence. All our arguments are sensory in the end, the logic of philosophy is a phenomenal argument and it can not touch what we imagine to be the noumenon, or a transcendent Being, because the substantiation of the existence of anything transcendent cannot be achieved through the instrument of phenomenal reason. There are people who have been totally agnostic. God may be, or may not be. Even if He is there, it is all something impossible for us to understand with the faculties with which we are endowed at present.

"But more serious difficulties are those which faced Arjuna’s mind, and which gradually creep into our own minds, and keep us inwardly insecure and anxious. The anxiety of a spiritual seeker is due to doubts as to the possibility of success in the spiritual path, doubts concerning the correctness of the approach which one has launched, doubts as regards the duties one owes to the world and to human society, and, finally, doubts even concerning what will happen to oneself, taking for granted that this realisation takes place. These doubts are not ordinary ones. They are present, perhaps, in every one of us, in some measure, in some proportion.

"And nothing can be more frightening to the ego of the human being than to be told that God is All-Power and the experience of God means an abolition of individuality. No one expects this, and one keeps that situation as far away from oneself as possible, postpones it to an indefinite future and closes one’s eyes to such a possibility at all. What can be a greater fear than that of losing oneself, even if it be in the ocean of God Himself. We would not want to be drowned even if it be in a sea of nectar."

Philosophy of The Bhagavad Gita
Krishnananda

Lastly, speaking of Katagiri's words from yesterday, i'd like to make one point. When talking about the Bodhisattva Vows, he lists one of them as "We vow to taste the truth." Now, the vows as i have always know them list that one as something like "The afflictions/desires (jp, bonnou) are innumerable, i vow to put an end to them."

I like it how Katagiri focuses on the positive side of that equation. Yes, the only way to taste the truth is to eliminate all the other bad tastes that cover it up, but our vow shouldn't be focused on getting rid of the bad, but on the good that we are striving toward. Sort of like, i vow to run and complete this years Chicago Marathon. I don't vow to train and suffer all summer long so that i can run it, i vow to participate in the race, knowing full-well everything that includes and everything i will have to do to get there. Our vow should be on the positive side. I like that. A lot.

Practical Profundity

2012-02-07T21:40:00.004-06:00

"What is your life? It's very complicated. Your intellect compels you to understand, but there is no perfect answer. All you can do is entrust yourself to the life that is given to you now. Live your own life as it really is. But entrusting yourself to your life doesn't mean just accepting it blindly. It means accepting a profound awareness of something that is greater than the intellectual world. It means accepting it and digesting it though your everyday life.

"To digest means to take care of your everyday life by totally accepting that there is something greater than the intellectual world. How do you do this? Through everyday life that is impermanent, you have to actually touch something deep that is eternal. By making your body and mind calm, you can go deeply into the human world and touch your life profoundly. Then you can feel what is eternal, not in an intellectual or philosophical way, but in a practical and realistic way."

...

"To study Buddha's teaching is not just to learn something intellectually or to have a particular knowledge of spiritual practice. Spiritual life requires the practice of vow. We vow to taste the truth, to save all beings, to master the teachings, or to accomplish the Buddha Way. We don't understand these vows exactly, but spiritual life requires the practice of living in vow. Your heart and mind must totally accept all sentient beings―past, present, and future―as they truly are. That is called tolerance. Be generous and magnanimous. It isn't a big deal. It's very simple, but it isn't easy, so most people give up."

Each Moment Is The Universe
Dainin Katagiri

Intention

2012-02-05T20:50:00.002-06:00

This very nice story comes from Donna Farhi's book, Bringing Yoga To Life.

"There is an amusing story about two monks and the power of intention. Both avid smokers, one day they found themselves discussing whether it was right to smoke while praying.

"They decided to go to the abbot and put the questions to him. The next day the one monk related that the abbot had enthusiastically endorsed his smoking habit and congratulated him on the depth of his faith, while the other had been told it was absolutely forbidden and was further chastised for desecrating the holiness of prayer.

" 'Well, what did you ask him?' questioned the one.

" 'I asked him if it was okay to pray while smoking. What did you ask?'

" 'I asked him if it was okay to smoke while praying.' "

I imagine that there comes a moment in time in everyone's life when they feel compelled to ask themselves what it's all about.

When that time comes, know that there is a second question that needs asking at the same time.

Are you asking your question from the heart of your intention? Or, are you just asking about your intention because that's still not clear in your heart?

You have to be clear if you want the right answer. The answer that is right for you.

Love Blossoms In Winter

2012-02-03T18:23:00.005-06:00

I've was expecting her to show up sometime this week, so you can imagine my happiness when i opened the door the other day and found her on the front porch. I am so hopelessly in love that it's almost shameful for a man my age — especially since she is sooo much younger than i am.

Physically she's very, very beautiful. Describing her as fast would be calling her slow; she is lightning quick. And nimble doesn't even begin to describe her athleticism. She's so flexible that she bends almost in half without the least bit of discomfort. Emotionally, she's warm and gentle and just a pleasure to hold.

She's completely fluent in kanji and can stay focused for hours. She can focus to a point, staying focused to one hair's width for as long as necessary, yet is perfectly willing to broaden out to vast broad strokes when breadth is more interesting or important than focus. She's amazingly well versed.

Sigggghhhhh.... i am so hopelessly in love.

Akashiya Bamboo Body Brush Pen @ JetPens.com

(The only problem is, my Kuretake pen is now getting jealous of all the attention i give her. But the Kuretaki is going on 10 years old...)

Winter Blossoms

2012-02-02T23:06:00.003-06:00

Spring tries to beckon
Thoughts drift to change and new growth
Those unborn blossoms

Chicago Marathon

2012-02-01T15:10:00.002-06:00

I'm not taking chances again and delaying, so just registered for this year's Chicago Marathon. I'll stick with my NordicTrack exercise bike until the end of the month and then, weather permitting, move back to running shoes in March. Then, the long, slow process of hard work will begin.

Henroroku 2

2012-02-01T01:08:00.000-06:00

遍路録 2

Facing Hardship — Questions Appear

The Prologue
Who's to say that the scenery in the mountains is different from the scenery before you start the climb? Finding happiness and generosity amidst hardship is only the first step on the trail. After that step, taking one step after another may be the only way to walk it but the only way to see the entire henro trail is to stop.

The Main Case
Coming down from Tairyūji, Monk Mōsō was elated. The first test had been overcome and he had successfully climbed to Bangai 1 and 3, Temples 12 and 20, and now Temple 21, the last mountain temple for a week, at least. It had been difficult, but the hard work was over for a while.

As Mōsō walked passed a rice paddy, he met an old lady clearing weeds along its banks. Stopping to take a short break he greeted her enthusiastically.

“Good afternoon, grandma. Beautiful day, isn't it.”

Looking him over, the old lady responded, “Yes, another beautiful day. You're a monk? Where are you from?”

“I just came from Tairyūji.” Noticing that the old lady frowned at that answer, he quickly added, “I'm walking the henro trail.”

“Is that so.” the old lady responded, with another frown. “If so, where did you spend your time this morning?”

“I told you, i'm walking the henro trail, grandma, so i have been walking.”

“You must have gotten lost many times, its not easy to stay on the trail.”

“No, i'm very good at following the markers,” replied Mōsō, but not certain he was sure what the old lady was really saying, he tried to change the subject. “Have you lived your whole life here, grandma? Do you have family here?”

“Of course. Everyone in town is my family. Every henro that passes by is my family. The birds on the mountain you just descended are my family. This rice paddy is my family. What isn't my family?”

Now suddenly angry, Mōsō shot back, “I'm a monk, don't try and lecture to me about the dharma.”

“What do you think i am?”

“A confused old woman,” he retorted.

“How can you call yourself a monk?” the old lady calmly replied, looking deeply into his eyes.

“Listen, grandma, don't confuse the dharma with your nonsense.”

“I'm not confusing the dharma.”

“How is what you said not confusing the dharma?”

“You're a monk walking the henro trail, i'm a farmer clearing weeds. Where is the confusion?”

Bewildered, but aware that he needed to think, Mōsō simply bowed his head silently, turned around, and resumed his walk towards Temple 22.

The Capping Verse
Dark clouds blanket all
In the pitch black who can see
One moon shines on all

-------

Monk Mōsō had made good progress so far since setting out on the henro trail. He had covered a lot of territory in his first week of walking and managed all the mountain temples with no major physical problems. Now, coming down from the last of those in the first prefecture, he was almost giddy with happiness and pride.

In a good mood and wanting to take a short break, he stopped to great an old woman working in her rice paddy beside the road. And while the conversation had started simply enough, like the last conversation with his master before setting out, he soon realized that something was wrong. But that was his master and this was an old woman. And a farmer! How dare she try and lecture him.

But this walk had given him a lot of time to think each day, and as he headed towards Temple 22, he wondered. Why had the old lady assumed he had gotten lost many times? And for that matter, why had Master Chie also said he would get lost “countless times?” That was his words, countless times. Did they think he was too stupid to follow the trail markers? That couldn't be it, could it? The markers were everywhere and easy to spot. Well, most of the time anyhow.

And that nonsense about everyone and everything being her family? That was nonsense, certainly. ? But Master Chie has also ridiculed him for mentioning “four” prefectures, saying that there was only one. What was that weird comment all about? What was he missing?

Victor Turner, in his writings on pilgrimage, talks about liminality, that time between intentionally stepping out of your previous life and that time when your pilgrimage is finished and you reintegrate into your old community, internally changed, but physically back again. Somewhere in this stretch of the trail between Temples 1 and 21 is where most make that leap from the known and certain into the unknown and uncertain, where they cross over from being hikers to being henro walking the henro trail.

During the first stage of this walk most people are cocky. They are certain of all too many things: who they are, what they are doing, and worse, what they will find during the walk, and even what they will experience. This certainty kills any questions that could be, should be, at the front of their mind.

But, when the door to those questions finally opens, the question that drives this leap into liminality may be the question of motive. Why are you here? Why are you putting yourself through the sometimes agonizing climbs and descents? What is the purpose of all of this. At first it seemed simple, either someone told you that you should walk the trail or you felt compelled, for some unknown reason, to see what it was about. But, by now, as much as you want to simply relax and walk, that question of motive has taken hold and remains agonizingly present.

Mōsō was no different, he now constantly wondered if there was more to this than he had originally assumed. He was here only because Master Chie had strongly suggested that he should do the walk, and in that last conversation had hinted that he wasn't looking in the right direction for answers. And now this old lady. Grandma's words seemed harmless enough, and she didn't seem to be the type to lecture passersby, but...

But what? What was it he was missing? And why had he gotten angry all of the sudden? He hadn't been angry or lost his patience since he started the walk. It was subtle, but he noticed himself changing as each day passed. He was becoming calmer and, and.... what?

That was it,... he suddenly realized that he had become much more open to others and much less concerned with himself over this past week. It was bizarre, in a way; just a week ago he was very much living his life in the first person, to both his and his master's chagrin. Everything he did was confined by and filtered through his own experience.

Lately, however, he had noticed that he derived infinitely more happiness by intentionally trying to step out of his experience and into that of others: noticing and interacting with people he met, listening to other henro's stories, and by trying to see the henro trail through their eyes. He was happiest when he stopped to talk to people on the side of the trail, like the old lady today.

What made him even happier, though, was the chance to make others smile: to give candy and omamori to the children he met, to tell jokes with the old men in the paddies and watch them laugh, to sit around the table at dinner each night offering what advice he could while everyone ate, laughed, and enjoyed themselves.

Yes, that was it. It had started soon after setting out when he began to notice the ever present generosity of others. And as the days passed, he found himself beginning to spontaneously offer generosity to others in return. And he found that he had never been happier in his life. It was then that he vowed to be as generous as he could, on every occasion that he could, each and every day. Generosity would become a daily practice.

Then why had he gotten mad at the old lady? He had resolved to be generous with everyone. He had resolved to he happy all the time, to offer only happiness and uplifting thoughts to all that he met. Yet the old lady had shattered his resolve in less than three minutes. Why?

The truth is, the old lady had just kicked Mōsō over the line, from the comfortable life he was used to into that new, unknown, and uncertain world that is known as Henro. We all, Mōsō included, have the habit of postponing life instead of living it. We don't live now, we live dreams of tomorrow. We may find trinkets of happiness along the road to that tomorrow, but our habit is very definitely to postpone our lives as we look down the road for answers instead of directly under our feet.

Likewise, as we start our henro we are only looking to get to the next temple; we're not living in each step of the journey between the temples. Yet it is there, in each step, that the henro lies.

Practicing generosity continuously, offering happiness always, doesn't just require mental training, it is mental training. As the lojong sayings state: you are well trained if you can practice even when distracted. And that had been his problem, Mōsō saw that clearly now. He had been distracted. His fixation on himself had started to diminish, but his mind still wandered throughout the day, he frequently found himself walking kilometer after kilometer only to realize that he never saw one blade of grass on the trail. He was always looking for the next temple.

Could that have been what the old lady was asking when she asked where he had spent his time that morning? Could that have been what she was pointing to when she accused him of getting lost? Had Master Chie been pointing to the same thing? Could he have been confused about their questions and still be too self-centered to see?

The whole world was her family, she had said, yet she then added “You're a monk walking the henro trail, i'm a farmer clearing weeds. Where is the confusion?”

Yes, indeed, is confusion the issue?

Sakura

2012-01-31T11:53:00.000-06:00

As winter winds down
Even finch head to the tree
Thoughts of pink blossoms

Hello?

2012-01-25T09:59:00.004-06:00

Listen, i know you're out there, so don't just sit there silently. We both know you want to go to Shikoku, to walk the henro trail. You want that experience. But you don't want to walk it alone; you don't speak the language, you don't want to try and figure out the maps, you don't know if you can do it, but you really want to go.

You want to walk, but you don't want to feel as if you're just following someone else. You want someone to lead you but you want it to be your own experience. You don't want to see Shikoku, you want to experience the henro trail. You want to be a henro. You want to wander the same mountains and shores that the Daishi wandered. You want to see the caves where he sat in meditation until that wonderful morning of enlightenment. You want to soak up the power at all 108 temples. You want that gift you receive in return for exerting everything you've got to climb those last 100 meters to the next temple. You want those lazy naps on the beaches of Kōchi Prefecture.

I know you're out there. You can afford a guide, that's just not the issue. Making the decision is the issue. Making the commitment is the issue. So do it. Get in touch. We can leave at the end of March.

Unflagging Pursuit

2012-01-24T09:07:00.002-06:00

"Whenever a Jesuit priest or a Calvinist pastor does anything of significance (for instance, making a key decision), he is expected to write down what results he anticipates. Nine months later, he then feeds back from the actual results to these anticipations. This very soon shows him what he did well and what his strengths are. It also shows him what he has to learn and what habits he has to change. Finally it shows him what he is not gifted for and cannot do well. I have followed this method myself, now for fifty years. It brings out what one's strengths are—and this is the most important thing an individual can know about himself or herself. It brings out where improvement is needed and what kind of improvement is needed. Finally, it brings out what an individual cannot do and therefore should not even try to do. To know one's strengths, to know how to improve them, and to know what one cannot do—they are the keys to continuous learning."

Drucker On Asia
Peter Drucker

And back to my favorite running buddy, George Sheehan:

"The normal life is one of continual expansion. We are forever occupied with expressing or discharging what is latent in us. We are maximizes, always trying to make whatever is potential in our personality a living reality. If there is one word for human nature, it is more."

...

"Human nature has not changed, we have common feelings and needs. With thought and a little guidance to elevate our consciousness, we can make use of our immediate experience. Only then will we learn, only then will we change our behavior.

"Life is a permanent boot camp. We must always be in training—and training not only in our bodies but in our minds and spirits as well." ... "What it takes to win are the virtues and values that have come down to us over the centuries. They are embodied in the athlete, the artist, the hero the saint, the sage—which is a simple description of the evolution of the common man.

"Life is not a skill sport. It does not require hand-eye coordination. It is not determined by our intelligence quotient, not dependent on a beatific vision. It is a game anyone can play and play well. ...

"Effort is the measure of a man. But it is effort concentrated on the creation and development of the ideal self. Our energies must be directed towards the shaping and making of the total personality. We must unflaggingly pursue personal excellence—arete—the goal of the Greeks."

Personal Best
George Sheehan

That Time Of Year

2012-01-23T17:01:00.003-06:00

Sadly, it is that time of year... when the snow and ice have affected the roads enough that i no longer trust sharing them with the cars, or their bad drivers, more accurately. Today i hung up my running shoes, replaced the batteries for the display in my indoor bike, and rode my first miles of the year. Sighhh....

As i begin what i hope will only be a month of indoor riding instead of outdoor running, i think of George Sheehan:

"Is there anyone out there who isn't concerned about self-worth? About an uncertain identity and low self-esteem? Is there anyone not on a constant search for autonomy, mastery and control? The runner is no different from others in these needs. The question then becomes how to satisfy those needs—and is running the way to do it? Or is it really a negative addiction that costs more than the benefits it confers?

"Some health-care specialists think so. The dogma goes something like this: Running is acceptable when done for health or to relieve anxiety. It is not acceptable when it is accompanied—as it is in many runners—by the intensity and exclusiveness usually reserved for religious fanaticism. At that point, appropriate preventive and therapeutic measures should be instituted. Runners must be saved from the maladaptive behavior that has taken over their lives.

"I don't dispute the description of the typical runner as a person intensely committed to his sport. But I also accept the findings of researchers at California State University at Fullerton. Runners, they found, were 'more intelligent, more dominant, more aggressive, more socially reticent, a but more suspicious, more shrewd, mire self-sufficient, and more unconventional than nonrunners.'

"It is not the details of our behavior that are in question, it is the judgement made from them. What some see as a problem I see as the solution. For me, running has narrowed the distance between what I am and what I can be, between the actual self and the ideal, between aspiration and reality."

Personal Best

Just in case you didn't read that whole excerpt, or skim read it, let me repeat the important part: Running narrows the distance between what I am and what I can be, between the actual self and the ideal, between aspiration and reality. As the title of his book points out, running leads you towards your personal best.

Stormy Conditions

2012-01-20T10:51:00.001-06:00

Snow falls in Lockport
Blowing this way and then that
Thoughts just come and go

Frozen Runner

2012-01-18T15:29:00.001-06:00

A cold 25F 5 miler, run under completely overcast skies. :-(

Road Kill 15
Ice just doesn't freeze
That's the job of the water
Lao too is frozen

Most People Prefer The Plague

2012-01-18T10:06:00.002-06:00

"We're determined that life go as we want it to go. When it doesn't, we're angry, confused, depressed, or otherwise upset. To have such feelings is not bad in itself, but who wants a life dominated by such feelings?

"When attention to the present moment falters and we drift into some version of 'I have to have it my way,' a gap is created in our awareness of reality as it is, right now. Into that gap pours all the mischief of our life. We create gap after gap after gap, all day long. The point of practice is to close these gaps, to reduce the amount of time that we spend being absent, caught in our self-centered dream.

"We make a mistake, however, if we think that the solution is that I pay attention. Not 'I sweep the floor,' 'I slice the onions,' 'I drive the car.' Though such practice is okay in the preliminary stages, it preserves self-centered thought in naming oneself as an 'I' to which experience is present. A better understanding is simple awareness: just experiencing, experiencing, experiencing. In mere awareness there is no gap, no space for self-centered thoughts to arise.

...

"The recipe for living is simply to do what we're doing. Don't be self-conscious about it; just do it. When self-centered thoughts come up, then we've missed the boat; we've got a gap. That gap is the birthplace of the troubles and upsets that plague us."

Nothing Special, Living Zen
Joko Beck

Just Being

2012-01-15T22:58:00.002-06:00

How liberating it is
to lay aside
the restriction of just being [Dave]
the handcuffs of just being [male]
How liberating it is
to escape
the prison of just being [American]
[educated]
[adult]
[liberal]
[buddhist]
How free it feels
to cast off all
limiting labels
To settle quietly
into being
and
neither expanding
nor contracting
neither changing
nor becoming
neither coming
nor going
yet
having those tight
life choking
shackles
dissolve
into both
everything
and nothing
into neither
everything
nor nothing
simply
into
who
i
really
am

Climbing To Nowhere

2012-01-14T12:06:00.004-06:00

This is the henro trail.

No, wait. Maybe this the henro trail?

Two very typical pictures from the henro trail. Two that probably appear in the photo album of everyone who has ever walked it with a camera. The problem, i'm afraid, is that for some, the first is the "good" picture, the real henro trail, and the second is the "bad" picture, what you are forced to endure between experiences of the first.

Yes, i admit that in the past i have criticized and complained about the amount of time spent walking on the side of the road, but over the years my understanding of the "trail" has changed.

Walking the trail is a never ending series of ups and downs, climbs and descents, and it is only human nature to prefer the peaks to the valleys. From the peaks, the panorama can take your breath away, with all of existence laid out right there before your eyes. On the peaks, exhilaration makes you tingle as you revel in feelings of accomplishment, knowing what you overcame to make the climb. On the peaks, you might find those reclusive masters who have already found what a piece of you is looking for.

The first picture is a wonderful depiction of this aspect of our walk. It is a very rare person who makes the climb by him/herself. Other people before you were also beckoned by that peak, and have built stairs to help you with your climb; stairs that not only make the climb a little less difficult, but also assure you that step-by-step you remain on the correct path.

The best benefactors don't build elevators and escalators — no, that would make the climb too easy; no lessons could be learned, and no lesson is ever learned unless it comes through your own personal experience of it. The stairs that they offer are rustic; rough hewn, sometimes shaky and unsteady, sometimes even with obstacles still growing across your path, but they will be solid and navigable. And both sides of the stairs will be beautifully landscaped, reminding you of the beauty of the world around you as you stop from time to time to let your body catch up to your dreams.

As you climb higher, further and further above the life you are used to, even handrails might be offered. Those that have walked before you have done all that they can to encourage you to make the climb, because they know that the experience at the peak could change your life.

But, most of us don't visit the peaks, we can't. Most of us live in the second picture. We have mortgages, car payments, and other bills to pay, families to feed, kids to rear and educate, and to pay for all of that, jobs that we must go to day after day.

We still see the peaks and dream of visiting them, but all too often we are limited to walking in the valleys, amidst the noise and bustle, cars and traffic, our neighbors houses, and the businesses that line the road. Walk we do, though, because just sitting still and settling into mediocrity would be too hard to bear.

Then, if we are lucky, it dawns on us during one of our walks that there is no difference between the two henro trails. Both have expansive views, they just look different. Both offer that tingling feeling of exhilaration that comes after the struggle to success, just in different arenas. And there are masters living even in the hovels of rundown urban areas, you just need to see them.

So, while the first picture is certainly beautiful and certainly depicts a wonderful experience, one well worth undertaking, don't forget that the second picture is also the henro trail, one where countless lessons can be learned. The only requirement is that we continue to glance up at those peaks every now and then, remembering that in truth the climb to them leads to nothing and nowhere, and vowing to never let that allure fade.

You Are What You Think

2012-01-13T21:06:00.003-06:00

"Thought allied fearlessly to purpose becomes creative force: he who knows this is ready to become something higher and stronger than a mere bundle of wavering thoughts and fluctuating sensations; he who does this has become the conscious and intelligent wielder of his mental powers."

...

"A man can only rise, conquer, and achieve by lifting up his thoughts. He can only remain weak, and abject, and miserable by refusing to lift up his thoughts."

...

"A man becomes calm in the measure that he understands himself as a thought evolved being, for such knowledge necessitates the understanding of others as the result of thought, and as he develops a right understanding, and sees more and more clearly the internal relations of things by the action of cause and effect he ceases to fuss and fume and worry and grieve, and remains poised, steadfast, serene."

James Allen
As A Man Thinketh

Just Keep Walking

2012-01-12T14:19:00.004-06:00

First substantial snow of the year today. It's been snowing all day and by tomorrow afternoon they say we'll have about 6" on the ground. It's hard to complain for one obvious reason and for one less obvious one.

The obvious one is that we have had extraordinarily pleasant weather this year. As late as yesterday, i was out running under clear skies with a temperature of 52F. And by late next week, the temperatures should return to the upper 30Fs to lower 40s. If anything, as winter running weather that should be called pleasant — certainly not cold.

The less obvious reason came from my yoga teacher the other day. When they started talking about this storm days ago, she started actively hoping for it. Why? Because her neighbor, who works in construction and landscaping during the rest of the year, counts on making money over the winter by plowing snow. No snow, no work. His contracts stipulate that there has to be more than 1" on the ground before he can plow and bill his clients. We haven't had that once this winter. No snow, no work; no work, no income; no income, no xyz... you name it.

Makes me feel incredibly selfish for hoping for no snow this year. How many times have i written here that we all lead very selfish lives, even though most of us would deny it. We give to charities, we volunteer our time, we go out of our way to consider others, etc... how could you call me selfish?

If that's how you interpret it, you are missing my point. There is a difference between not being selfish and being selfless. There is a difference between thinking of others and not thinking of yourself. There is a difference between noticing others and not living from that place where the distinction between oneself and others doesn't set the rules you live by.

No matter how far you have walked on this path, no matter how high you have climbed the mountain, there will always be a piece of you defined by the 'you' found on your ID card. It's foolish to think you can or should try to get rid of that piece. It's an important and useful tool.

Yet, that piece of you is lazy — luckily for us. The further you walk this path, the higher you climb the mountain, you begin to notice that that 'you' contentedly stays behind, sitting leisurely at the starting line. You begin to notice that it is an entirely different 'you' doing the walking and climbing. And that you is the real you.

The lazy, fake you always (ALWAYS) looks out for it's own interests. Should i volunteer time? Would that interfere with my yoga classes? Should i donate money? Will i be able to afford that new iPhone next month? Should i start an intense practice of right speech? I should, i'll be a better person. Should i meditate regularly? Of course, i could get enlightened.

Every decision this 'you' makes goes through the gate of "I." "I" sets all the rules for the game of life you currently play. The other you, however, sidesteps this gate. It sees it, and knows that on occasion it needs passing through to get things done, but in general it wanders the roads and hills away from that gate.

Is there a need for volunteers somewhere? Yes? Then make an offer, with zero regard to any rewards you may or may not obtain. Are you living in poverty, barely making ends meet each month? No? Then see where you can offer some of your extra so that those that are get some relief, with zero regard for any recognition you may or may not get. Does the person who just got on the bus use a cane? Or is elder? Then give up your seat; not because they need it but simply because you can. Acknowledge their thanks, but immediately let it leak out your ears and give it no further thought.

Do you want to start a start a solid Buddhist practice? Forget the four noble truths. Forget the eight-fold path. Forget right view, right thought, right speech, right action, right any of those. Start a practice of "right i."

Every time you do something, every time you say something, every time you think something... stop and notice that little piece of "I" that was involved. It's elusive and this will take serious practice and serious time, but it can be done. That's all you have to do is notice. Then say something like, "Ew, there it was. That sneaky little bastard." And move on. Over time as "I" finds it's not all that welcome anymore, it will find that beach chair and a beer and simply sit on the start line, assuming that you will, like you always did before, come back to it when you tire of the new game.

Only this time, you just keep walking.

Vive Les Superhero

2012-01-10T15:39:00.002-06:00

Electroshock

Shikoku Henro Web Site

2012-01-06T23:31:00.005-06:00

Spent the evening trying to come up with a new look for the Shikoku web site. I'm completely bored with the existing design and it's time for a change. Problem is, i have zero creativity.

It's time to turn off the computer for the night, but here is what i have come up with. Tomorrow i'll work on all the secondary pages and then put it all together. I hope everyone else accepts it.

Walk This Way

2012-01-06T14:16:00.004-06:00

Road Kill 14

From where do you leave
Is there a place that you end
Walk always with this

A magnificently incredibly wonderful 6 mile run today under clear sunny skies with a temperature of 52 degrees! Amazing. Almost as close to perfection as they come. Beautiful day.

-----
On another note, my sister gave me one of those digital picture frames for Christmas and i immediately loaded it full of pictures from the henro trail. Anyone want to guess what percentage of my time is now spent staring at the wall?

Farewells

2012-01-03T21:00:00.002-06:00

Not so sad farewells
Henro walk the eighty-eight
Leaving me at home

Wet Dreams

2012-01-02T22:57:00.002-06:00

Cold winter morning
Teapot steam drifts languidly
Through dreams of warm days

Henroroku 1

2012-01-01T00:03:00.002-06:00

遍路録 1
(Henro Records 1)

Aspirations & Setting out

The Prologue
Setting out it's like a dream, so real yet hardly understood. From the time we arrive until the time we depart it's one breath after another, until near the end we realize that what we once took for certain about that insignificant act might not be all we thought.

The Main Case
Master Chie sat fanning himself in his quarters when Monk Mōsō approached and said, "I am setting out to undertake the Shikoku Henro. Do you have any advice."

Master Chie continued to fan himself.

Monk Mōsō, not understanding, asked again, "Can you give me any advice master."

Master Chie stopped fanning long enough to say, "Who is going?," and then began to fan himself again.

Again completely blind to his master's generosity, Monk Mōsō said, "I am, master."

"The weeds are thick and the moon will be covered as you set out. With luck you will get lost countless times. Aren't you afraid you will disappear?"

"No master, there are a great many sign posts along the trail in all four prefectures."

"There is only one, who speaks of four?"

"Master, you have lived here all your life. How can you ask such a question?"

"Get out you fool."

Monk Mōsō bowed, and in confusion set out on his journey.

The Capping Verse
Setting out who seeks
Which mind aspires to see it
From where do you leave

----------

However long it took to plan, however far you traveled to get here, you now find yourself at the niōmon of Ryōzenji, Temple 1. This is where the henro starts for most people; and where it will also end some months later, but that's a story for much further down the road.

Your first action, while bowing in respect as you prepare to pass through the niōmon, should be to say goodbye to a loved one, the person who brought you here. That person is the one you saw in the mirror the last time you looked. That person is the one on the photo ID that you used to board the airplane to Japan. That person is the person you normally call 'you' when discussing your life.

Once you pass through the niōmon at Temple 1, you will begin a new relationship with that 'you.' Don't be rude, that 'you' is important and helps you in countless ways, day in and day out, to get you through your conventional life. It's simply that for what you are about to do, another 'you' is more appropriate, more important, and that 'you' is the real you.

Throughout the days and weeks to come, you will constantly see the phrase Dōgyō Ninin, Two Pilgrims, Walking Together. And while that universally means that you and Kōbō Daishi will be walking together, it could also be taken to mean that two sides of you, yourself, will be walking together.

With effort, over the course of the next 1,400 km the real you will be uncovered and a new working relationship will be established between that person you really are and that 'you' that lives on your ID card. It will take persistence, patience, and a resolve unlike most other projects you have undertaken.

This is the reason that Tokushima Prefecture, the first prefecture you walk through during your Henro, is called the Hosshin No Dōjō; The Dōjō of Awakening Faith. It is here, before that niōmon at Temple 1, that you resolve to work diligently, to do whatever it takes, to awaken to enlightenment, to awaken to who you really are underneath the person society has trained you to be.

Throughout this struggle, throughout the upcoming 1,400 km, your faith will be tested. But, as the prefectural name implies, Hosshin no Dōjō is a commitment, a resolution to maintain your faith — in Kōbō Daishi's willingness to help, in yourself, in your ability to complete what you are about to start, in your ability to persist and endure, and in your ability to open up enough to learn from the island, the temples, the people, and the experience as you walk day after day for the next several months.

Let's make this perfectly clear even before your first step: that which you will be seeking, that which you are devoting every ounce of your mental and physical strength to find, is already in your possession. You are not going to find something outside of yourself during this walk, you already have it — you simply need to learn how to open your hand and let the old, conventional 'you' fall away. This trip is not about gaining anything, but about letting go.

Dōgen makes this clear in his famous quote from the Genjōkoan chapter of his Shōbōgenzō”

"To learn the Buddhist Way is to learn about oneself. To learn about oneself is to forget oneself. To forget oneself is to perceive oneself as all things. To realize this is to cast off the body and mind of self and others. When you have reached this stage you will be detached even from enlightenment but will practice it continually without thinking about it."

To understand who you really are, who and what we all really are, you have to study yourself. Not original texts, commentaries, mandalas, rituals, or anything else outside of yourself. You have to study yourself. And as contrary as it may sound, that means forgetting yourself, that 'you' that lives on your ID card, that 'you' you have grown up with, that 'you' that has undergone countless days of training and conditioning to be as it is.

This is why you need to say goodbye to that 'you' as you begin your walk. You don't leave it behind, but you stick it in your backpack, or in the bag that holds your sutra book, candles, and incense, keeping it ever ready in case you need it, but out of the way so the real you has the chance to appear.

As Mōsō gets ready to set out he stopped to get any last minute advice from the master of his temple, Master Chie. Being the compassionate and generous master that he is, he tried to point out these issues to Monk Mōsō, but to no avail. At this point Mōsō is blind; he knows he is supposed to walk, but he has no other questions and without those questions, he is oblivious to any answers that are offered.

Master Chie has very generously given Mōsō the questions he will need to carry with him during his walk but they flew right over his head. But Mōsō has one thing going for him — he is resolved to figure out what happened. He has faith that Master Chie didn't call him a fool unthinkingly. His faith and resolve are alive and well.

And so begins his Henro.

Happy New Year

2011-12-31T17:40:00.002-06:00

From Lockport, Illinois, the home of Temple 0 (発心寺; Hosshinji) on the Shikoku Henro, wishes go out to all for a happy and healthy new year.

As 2012 dawns, let's all strive to keep in mind that for peace and happiness to spread and touch the lives of every person, each of us, as individuals, have the responsibility to make it predominate in our lives. The happiness of the entire world begins in each of our very own minds.

Funniest Christmas Present Ever

2011-12-24T18:38:00.005-06:00

An aunt sent me a picture today as, i assume, a Christmas present. Even hours later, every time i look at it i start chuckling. This is supposed to be a picture of me back in the late 1970, i would guess. I would have been in my mid-twenties then.

It certainly looks right — back at that time i was living in Napa California and spent an inordinate amount of time at Lake Berryessa water skiing, laying on the beaches, and drinking beer. Those were magical days.

The only thing that hasn't changed about me in all these years seems to be the fact that even then i had a bottle of beer in my hand. But come on, could i ever have had that much hair on my head? Is that possible?

This was a great present, and i'm still laughing about it. I should go buy a pair of red shorts and take the 35th year anniversary version and then post that next to this one. Couldn't hurt; if you post it in your office you're sure scare any rats in the building away.

Selfishness

2011-12-21T10:49:00.003-06:00

In Dale Wright's book The Six Perfections, we find these thoughts:

"That material generosity, while important, is less exalted than spiritual generosity is a point made frequently in early Mahayana sutras. Picturing human life as most importantly a spiritual quest, the kind of generosity that the sutras most fervently proposed was the gift of visionary life and human excellence, not material objects, and it is in this vein that they were written."

I'm not usually one to point fingers and call people names, but sometimes you just have to wonder if there are occasions where doing so is appropriate. So if you are reading this, I'm talking to you. Go ahead, blink and say "Me? You don't really mean that you think this applies to me, do you?" And in response, I repeat, yes, you.

Odds are, just like me, you are an incredibly selfish person. Deny it all you want, but you aren't going to get around that fact. You mainly and predominantly think only of yourself and your own happiness. You make the vast majority of your decisions based on how they will affect your happiness, heck with everybody else (even though you don't vocalize the thought, and may not realize you thought it). Your spiritual practice is a search for a better life for who? You. Your definition of success in most areas of your life relies on a benefit to you.

I know, I can hear you say, No, I really do hope for the best of all my fellow men and women. But, I ask you to stop and really pay attention the next time you say that. Odds are, just before that thought or just after, you'll find the thought, But what about me?

"...the kind of generosity that the sutras most fervently proposed was the gift of visionary life and human excellence..."

If you are now thinking about the life you intend to live next year, if you are thinking about whatever spiritual practice you might have, of any flavor, and where you plan to take it next year, if you are thinking about the world and the problems we all have with just getting along, then this thought is for you. Stick it in your head and keep it at the front of your thoughts for the next 10 days. Don't let up until you have answers.

I'd suggest that we all ask ourselves about this on two levels:

1) What am I doing to help others live a visionary life and a life of excellence? Even if I don't benefit, what can I do to promote that?

2) Am I living my life in such a way that I am offering the world my absolute best — a life of vision and excellence?

Think about it. That's all I ask.

A visionary life and human excellence.

Lost Amidst Landmarks

2011-12-20T18:18:00.004-06:00

Don't know why, but my fingers started telling me that they wanted to type something while i was fixing dinner so let's sit down now that it's ready and see what they come up with. I apologize in advance if it turns out to be wasting our time.

Long ago i wrote about a wonderful mini-story that i found in writings of Anthony de Mellow, called The Temple Bells. There is so, so much more i want to write about that but i think i'll do that over the course of 2012. What i'm fascinated with tonight is the comment near the end of that post made by that senile old man i know in Chicago who runs a web site about the pilgrimage.

In the post he said, "Do you wish to hear Shikoku's temple bells? Listen to the sound of being." On the one hand, that sounds so simple; almost as if we should reply, "Duh. Well, yeah. That's it?" Then on the other hand, it makes me stop and wonder: what is the sound of being, exactly? If you are in the state he talks about where you can hear it, are there sounds to be heard? Is there anyone there to hear anything?

The Heart Sutra starts by getting directly to the point: Kanjisai bossa gyō jin hannya haramita ji shō ken go un kai kū. While in that place where the bells can be heard, Kannon-sama saw straight to the heart of the matter and understood that not just everything we perceive is empty, but even the five aggregates themselves are empty. Completely. So completely that he very carefully negates even those things that we take as absolutely certain, completely non-questionable: mu gen ni bi zesshin i, mu shiki shō kō mi soku hō. No eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, or mind, no form, sound, smell, taste, tactile sensations, or mind objects.

But we all know that's pure nonsense. Don't we? If i poke you in the eye you are going to scream in pain. If i shout in your ear i might break an eardrum. If someone farts on the train everyone pretends they don't notice even though everyone cringes. Just the thought of fresh sushi begins the process of drooling. I know it will be delicious. You can't tell me that we don't exist.

But given all that, given all that intertwined certainty and doubt, given all the evidence to the contrary, what does life look like from that place where you can hear "the sound of being?" What does life look like when we come to see that everything we see, everything we hear, everything we smell, taste, feel, think, imagine, ... everything, with no exceptions, is unreal, is a figment of our imagination?

What does life look like when we see that the universe and everything in it, or even grander than that, everything that ever was, is, and ever will be, is a construct of our minds. Our universe, our world, our lives are something we make up moment by moment, breath by breath, born with each moment we conveniently call now, passing away into that void we will never understand, and being reborn in the next now.

When Dave's gone, when even Lao's gone, when being male is gone, when every label i've every attached to myself is gone, when all thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and preferences are gone, when walking or sitting or standing or lying down is gone, when living or not living is gone, when existing or not exiting is gone, when you can look Joshu in the eye and ask him where that stupid mu came from, when there is no difference in anything, not because there is nothing, but because everything is, well, everything, there just is, existing, being, as it is, as it always has, as it always will, even when the universe ceases to exist,... being, is... no more and no less because there is no such thing as no more and no less.

What then? What would the sound of that be?

I maintain that you can hear it on the henro trail. You can start to listen for it at the temples if you have this weird idea that spirituality is found at temples and that monks have some kind of special insight into hearing. Sure, start there — but know that the background noise there can be pretty loud. Once you have trained your ears, your eyes, your fingers, your tongue, your nose, even the slightest bit, then you are better off listening between the temples where it is much more conducive to understanding, or not; amongst the car and truck traffic, amidst the crowded restaurants, amidst the hectic meals at the minshuku each night.

And after your meal, stick your head outdoors and look at the stars that fill the night sky on Shikoku and say, "i hear you."

How Would I Know?

2011-12-19T20:06:00.002-06:00

It's interesting
Or not as some would see it
All in all it's not

What are you saying
Who could possibly see it
Nothing everyone

Freud

2011-12-18T17:56:00.003-06:00

Got a catalog in the mail today from The Great Courses (aka: The Teaching Company). I love this company and have bought many of their DVD and CD series over the years. They can't be praised highly enough.

Anyway, in this week's catalog, there was an excerpt from one of the lectures in a series called The Great Ideas of Psychology.

...

"What else is featured in evolutionary theory that will profoundly influence Freud's thinking is instinct, the fact that complex organisms throughout the animal economy enter the world with quite fixed behavioral dispositions. That, absent the instinctual dispositions, not enough time would be available for the animals to learn what they have to learn, even with human beings.

"There's ample evidence to suggest that important aspects of human psychology are not acquired, but are more or less in place—and even if they're not present at birth, they are very likely to surface when the requisite degree of maturation has taken place—and they do not seem to require any intentional training from the outside. Need I mention anything more than the age at which youngsters begin to impose grammatical structure on their linguistic utterances? Of course, that is what Chomssky's theory is all about."

The Great Ideas of Psychology
Lecture 35: Freud's Debt To Darwin
Daniel Robinson

Hmmmm... sounds like, maybe, he could mention the concept of rebirth here?

That Is Not It

2011-12-16T21:39:00.002-06:00

That is all nonsense
Meditate and watch the mind
It doesn't make sense

All

2011-12-15T15:56:00.005-06:00

I have unusual music listening habits while running, compared to most other runners, at least. Instead of the constant pounding, upbeat rock music, i frequently listen to slow, sappy love songs. The words are completely irrelevant, the sole purpose of any song is to give me something to focus on and let "me" get lost in the voices. Unless i'm doing hill work or tempo runs and intervals, which is only during the summer as i train for a marathon, my goal while running is to drop off everything and become nothing but moving feet. Sappy, Korean and Japanese love songs work perfectly for that. For me. :-)

Today's road kill popped up complete, with only one word change, about 2 miles from home, in the middle of this song. When i listen to this song, both Dave and Lao disappear inside her voice within the first few words. It's almost like magic.

Road Kill 13

Gratitude for all
Not because i have it all
Because i am all

Discipline

2011-12-15T11:50:00.002-06:00

"Discipline and will-power deliver you to the highest level of living possible and though it might seem difficult to develop at the outset, once these muscles are consistently exercised into a habit, stunning results appear and once-hard tasks become easy. With discipline you can raise your standards of physical fitness, tap into amazing reserves of knowledge, start and finish major tasks, control your diet, triple your energy level, build your character to achieve a more fulfilling life and enhance your personal relations. Discipline will shape the tremendously important habit of mind control and positive thinking and free you from worry. Discipline will dramatically improve your confidence levels and your productivity as you start to put first things first.

"Without discipline, or at least a clear desire to build it, you are lost and are destined to be the servant of your mind rather than having your mind serve you. Instead of mental toughness and agility, dose powering thoughts will creep into your brain freely, zapping you of your personal power and redirecting your attention from worthwhile goals to useless activities that might feel fun but will offer no value in the long run. Without will-power, you will eat too much, worry too much and sleep too much. Study the lives of Gandhi, Washington, Mother Theresa, Helen Keller and Bruce Lee and you will be studying will-power in action."

Robin Sharma

Ah, those nasty sounding words: Discipline and Will-Power. Both, at first glance, seen with strict, "thou shalt not," restrictive connotations hanging over our heads as we simply try and enjoy life. Beyond that first glance, though, if we really take the time to investigate them we see that they are just the opposite; they are liberating, life-giving words and attitudes.

As i begin my annual year-end ritual of looking back over the past year and seeing what lessons i can, and want to, take forward into the new year, i find those two words staring me right in the eyes. I admit that i let myself get side-tracked in the last half of the year; my discipline has diminished as a result of lagging will-power.

Contrary to what many people believe, it is this decreased will-power, this reduced discipline that restricts my life, that forces me to live in a cage. Contrary to what many people believe, it is discipline and will-power that break the locks and set you free.

Until the locks are broken, we are trapped inside those habits, conditioning, expectations, and beliefs that keep the real you locked out of sight. And, as the old adage goes, "out of sight, out of mind." But it is exactly this that we must learn to conquer. Only will-power and discipline allows us to keep this conditioning in mind, every minute of every day, all year long. Only discipline keeps those expectations and beliefs under our zafu and under our butt, where they belong, instead of up up in our heads.

By living a life of discipline you break free to see and live the life we were meant to live — a life where love, and not hatred, predominates; a life where openness and inclusion, and not exclusion, predominates, a life where awareness, and not emotions, dictate your actions; a life where giving, and not taking, determines how you live your days.

So, as i think about next year, i recommit myself, for the one-millionth time, to that discipline that opens doors.

How Authentic Are You?

2011-12-14T23:12:00.003-06:00

Thought the point being made in this blog post was interesting...

5 Seconds To Authenticity

I Thought So

2011-12-12T23:37:00.002-06:00

"Man sows a thought and reaps an action. He sows an action and reaps a habit. He sows a habit and reaps a character. He sows a character and reaps a destiny.

"Man has made his own destiny by his own thinking and acting. He can change his destiny. He is the master of his own destiny. There is no doubt of this. By right thinking and strong exertion, he can become the master of his destiny.

"Some ignorant people say: 'Karma does everything. It is all destiny. If I am destined by my Karma to be like this or that why then should I exert? It is my destiny only.'

"This is fatalism. This will bring inertia, stagnation and misery. This is perfect misunderstanding of the laws of Karma. This is a fallacious argument. An intelligent man will certainly not put such a question. You have made your own destiny from within by your thoughts and actions.

"You have a free will to choose now. You have got Svatantrata in action. A rogue is not an eternal rogue for all times. Put him in the company of a saint. He will change in no time. He will think and act now in a different way and will change his destiny. He will become saintly in character.

"Dacoit Ratnakar was changed into Sage Valmiki. Jagai and Madai were transformed. They were rogues of the first waters. You can become a Yogi or a Jnani. You can make your destiny. You can make your Karma in any way you like. Use the Power of Thought. Think rightly, think nobly. You will have only to think, and to act. By right thinking, by right desiring, by right acting, you can become a Sage, a millionaire. You can attain the position of Indra or Brahma by good thought and action, by good Karma. Man is not a helpless being. He has a free will of his own."

Thought Power
Sivananda

Taking Sides

2011-12-06T23:03:00.002-06:00

On this side of that
Nothing lies confused and lost
Who put this side there

Hopelessly In Love

2011-12-06T11:39:00.004-06:00

Impatience reared its head last week and i could no longer wait to order my own Christmas present. I intended to wait another week or two so that it would arrive closer to Christmas, but i gave up after logging onto Amazon and looking at it several times a day, every day, three days in a row.

There are no public figures, anywhere in the world, of the stature of the Dalai Lama, who remain as humble and as full of compassion as the Dalai Lama himself. There are others who are as humble and as compassionate, but they don't have the public stature that the Dalai Lama has. It seems that when others attain this stature, power, adoration, and money eventually corrupt them.

I went to see the Dalai Lama back in the mid-90s when he came to speak in Chicago. That was before he was the superstar that he is today so i was both able to afford a ticket and get a ticket. Now ticket agencies buy all the tickets and resell them at ridiculous prices so even if you can get one, it's prohibitively expensive.

I wish i could say i remember everything about the talk i attended, but i can't. At the time i barely knew who he was; he was simply someone i had read about in my, then, twenty some years of studying Buddhism. He was supposed to be a great teacher and speaker so i went to see for myself.

What i do remember of the talk, though, was falling hopelessly in love. Not with Tibetan Buddhism, but with the man himself; his message, his bearing, his obvious compassion for all attendees, and his complete lack of self-importance. I remember being in awe.

I can think of no better role model than the Dalai Lama. He perfectly blends an academic study of his religion, a wholehearted and sincere practice of all its teachings, and the ability to show all of us that this can be done while leading a very public, non-monastic life. He shows us that compassion and love for all can be practiced even in the face of immense adversity. He demonstrates clearly what life can be like when self-cherishing is let go of and the Self is fully realized.

Imagine my happiness, then, when the mailman arrived this morning and dropped off my copy of more of his teachings in the 13-hour, 4-DVD set Compassion In Emptiness two days earlier than it was supposed to arrive. Oh happy days, oh happy days. I imagine tonight is going to be a fairly sleepless night.

Damn That Frog

2011-12-02T13:29:00.002-06:00

Just back from my mid-afternoon 5 miler. Found this on the shoulder of the road.

Road Kill 12

Damn that jumping frog
Still ponds are meant for zazen
Sitting with ripples

Renunciation

2011-12-01T20:08:00.003-06:00

"Vedanta does not want you to renounce the world. It wants you to change your mental attitude and give up this false, illusory 'I-ness' and 'mine-ness'. The snake charmer removes only the two poisonous fangs of the cobra. The snake remains the same. It hisses, raises its hood and shows its fangs. In fact, it does everything as before. The snake charmer has changed his mental attitude towards the snake. He has a feeling now that it has no poisonous fangs. Even so, you must remove the two poisonous fangs of the mind, namely, 'I-ness' and 'mine-ness' only. Then you can allow the mind to go wherever it likes. Then you will always have the feeling of the presence of God.

"You must also renounce the attachment to renunciation, which is very deep-rooted. You must renounce the idea: "I have renounced everything; I am a great renunciate". This attachment of aspirants is a greater evil than that of the householders: "I am a landlord; I am a brahmana, etc."

"Not by shaving the head, not by dress, not by egoistic action is liberation to be attained. He who possesses wisdom is a real sanyasin (monk). Wisdom is the sign of a sanyasin. The wooden staff does not make a sanyasin. He is the real sanyasin of wisdom who is conscious of his absolute nature even in his dreams just as he is during the waking period. He is the greatest knower of Brahman. He is the greatest of sanyasins."

Sivananda

"[S]He is the real sanyasin of wisdom who is conscious of his absolute nature..."

No henro no trail
Yet walking eating sleeping
Absolute nature

Politics & Double Standards

2011-11-30T21:25:00.002-06:00

Republicans puzzle me. Greatly.

Cain is being run through a grinder about his alleged extramarital affairs and will probably be forced from the race. At the same time, the man who has surged to the top of the list, Newt Gingrich, is a proven unethical cheat and people seem to love him. He's on his third marriage after cheating on both of his first two wives. While serving in congress he was fined hundreds of thousands of dollars for unethical behavior.

How can any republican look another person in the eye and say that they believe in ethics??? An unethical cheat is better than all other possibilities?

This really puzzles me.

In Your Face

2011-11-29T21:46:00.002-06:00

In your face all day
Forcing you to look and see
Just Now won't let up

Actualizing Ordinariness

2011-11-29T15:45:00.002-06:00

From the Hotsumujōshin (Developing The Supreme Mind) chapter of Dōgen's Shōbōgenzō:

"The National Teacher Daishō said, 'Walls, tiles, and stones are the ancient Buddha mind.' We must study carefully where walls, tiles, and stones exist. You must question where and how such things are actualized. 'Ancient Buddha mind' is not Kūo Buddha, who existed aeons ago. Rather, it is just the ordinary everyday life of human beings. In such kind of life we sit and find Buddha. This is called the mind of resolve for enlightenment.

In general, the working of hotsubodaishin (the Buddha-seeking mind) is developed from hosshin (the initial awakening of the mind, the resolve for enlightenment); other than this, there is nothing. Awakening the mind of enlightenment is to make Buddha by holding up one blade of grass, or to make the sutras with a piece of wood.

That ordinary, everyday life of human beings. Putting gas in the car, preparing the kid's lunch, washing the dishes after a meal, dusting the shelves and washing the floor, paying the bills, disagreeing with your brother, picking up your dog's poop, mowing the lawn, commuting in rush hour traffic, sitting through a half-day meeting, reading a chapter before bed, ...

It's in that life, that completely ordinary life, where our practice of zazen is the most important and the most natural. That very life is zazen. But because it is difficult, we take some time out from that practice each day to sit on a cushion, where practice is easy, where everything is stacked in our favor. Then it's back to our practice.

The mind that resolves for enlightenment also actualizes walls, tiles, and stones. Actualizes all that exists; all that doesn't exist. That mind, my mind, your mind, our mind, mind, is that Buddha in that one blade of grass.

Deciphering Designs

2011-11-23T16:44:00.005-06:00

A friend received the below medallion from her mother and asked me if the design in the middle was actually a kanji and had a meaning. Unfortunately i had to tell her that i don't recognize a character in it, but am posting it here for others to look at.

Does anyone recognize a character here? (Click to enlarge it) If it's not a Japanese kanji, could it be a Chinese hanzi? Or two? Or one, dublified? Or maybe i'm right and it's just a pretty, symmetrical pattern? What thinks anyone?

OK, while i'm waiting for a response, i guess i might as well write something — it's been a while. The rice cooker is going and won't be done for another half hour, a fresh beer is sitting on the coaster by the chair, some beautiful, calm-inducing Indian flute music is playing in MediaMonkey,... so, with nothing else to do, here we go....

In a paper i'm reading called "The Five Buddha Families and The Eight Consciousnesses," Khenchen Thrangu Rinpoche lays out in a nice clear way the five meditational buddhas of Tibetan Buddhism, the klesha each represents, which one of the five skandha each symbolizes, and the one wisdom (of five) embodied in that buddha.

This is interesting because the same categorization technique was used by Kūkai as he established Shingon in the 9th century and it is still studied today at his monastery on Mt. Kōya.

God no, that's way too boring for Thanksgiving eve. Forget i wrote that.

I woke with a start, and with heart racing glanced across the room, but it didn't take a second to realize that what had woken me was Phoebe crawling into the bed. When i raised my eyebrows and shot her a quizzical "what's going on?" look, she put her finger on my lips and with her lips to my ear whispered "Shhhh. Don't say anything, just enjoy." Before i could utter another word, with a giggle and that devilish smile that i had come to know over the past year meant "hang on for the ride... if you can," she dove under the covers.

With her parents in the room down the hall, i knew we were playing with fire, but everyone that knows Phoebe knows that she will get what she wants when she's in one of these moods.

No, no. That's not what i meant to type.... Sorry, Dave has told me i can't post stories like this here. Something about making Google mad.

In the latest bicycling news, Alberto Contador has finally had his day in court and will now wait for the expected January release of a verdict in his ~~attempt to get away with doping~~ case of suspected doping.

As a surprise witness, Contador's lawyers produced a young Spanish herder who testified under oath that he had personally raised the cow in question. He also testified that he was certain beyond any doubt that he had seen it eating grass near the window of his hut while he (the herder) had been watching a PBS television show about ~~Cherybutt~~ ~~Chernoble~~ ~~Cheerieo~~ that nasty shit that we all know was inside the steak that Alberto purportedly ate.

Under cross-questioning, the herder expressed shock that prosecutors questioned his status as "expert witness," saying that he watched PBS everyday and pointing out that he was certain that he had seen a show pointing out the correlation between what you watch while you eat and the effects that can have on your health and physiology.

Ooops, the rice cooker just beeped, so i'll have to finish this another day. If you have any ideas about the medallion, please let me know.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. Remember at least one thing you are grateful for tomorrow. More if you can.

Dreams

2011-11-17T10:01:00.002-06:00

Had an unusual dream last night. Actually, it was early this morning because i woke up from the middle of the dream and immediately wanted to go back to sleep to finish it. I can't remember the last time i had a dream that made me want to go back to sleep to reenter it.

I should have typed this up as soon as i got up instead of eating breakfast and reading the news because i've already started to forget large chunks of what happened, but what made it interesting is still there so i'll recount that.

My two sisters and I were apparently all applying for a job at an inner city school. I say 'apparently' because i don't ever remember talking or reading anything about the job itself, but everything about the experience speaks to this being about becoming teachers.

The three of us walked to the building (school?) where the interviews were going to be held, a typical old red-brick multi-story inner city building. When we went in, the elevators were small (and crowded with other candidates) with well worn wood paneling on all the walls.

We went up to the 57th floor and were greeted by two guys sitting behind a receptionist-like counter. It was a big open room, painted white and desperately in need of a repaint. The wood work was intricate and had probably been considered a marvel "back in the days." Just a few small windows let in enough sunlight that if felt warm and cozy. When we told the two guys what we were there for, one of them went into a side room to get the information we needed.

The next thing i remember is that the three of us were seated in large over-sized chairs in the open area in front of the reception counter and the guy who had gone to get us our information was with us and explaining the procedure to us.

As he explained it, the written test we had to take was long and would take a substantial amount of time. Therefore, they gave it out to candidates before hand so that they could study it and get prepared. As he said this, he pointed to an adjacent room, empty except for rows and rows of long wooden desks spanning the width of the room. That room had windows the entire length of the two outside walls so was flooded in sunlight.

After explaining the test (which took awhile, but i don't remember it), he pulled out a small video camera and told us that he was loaning it to us because we would each be required to make a short video of "something," i don't remember what anymore. It seemed odd, but even though i don't remember the specifics, i remember wondering what the purpose of it was as it seemed to be making a video of something very mundane, very ordinary. Something about people.

A lot more is gone, but the next thing i remember is walking down a hallway (on our way out?) when someone asked me to tell a story to the students. The students had been gathered in the auditorium and they wanted me to go up on stage and "make something up, tell them a story of make believe," or something like that.

I would love to see that actual auditorium because it was an amazing place. Like the rest of the building it was old, but not worn out. Well, and lovingly, used might be the best description. Everything was wood, well worn wood, polished to a deep brown color by the sweat and oily hands and elbows of the hundreds of thousands of kids that had passed through it over the many years.

The room was narrow, maybe 20-30 seats wide, but deep enough to hold all the students, the furthest back of which faded into shadows. The lighting wasn't dark, but it was old incandescent lights which left the room a warm golden color, mainly up near the stage. The small stage was just as old and had a hollow sound to it as i walked across it to the sole chair in the middle.

I only remember fragments of what i said, but it went along these lines:

Hmmmm.........

I'm supposed to tell you a story of make believe, but that's not my forte, so instead, let me tell you about a friend of mine who's whole life revolved around made up stories.

Richard looked like an average guy, seemingly no different from any one of you. He dressed just like everyone else, acted just like everyone else, and in no way stood out in a crowd.

Over the years, Richard had convinced himself that he was nothing special. He walked to the same job, in the same office, at the same desk, day after day and year after year. He always wore the same style suit, never changing even the colors or the button patterns. Same hobbies, same interests. Year after year. Nothing in his life varied except the date on the calender.

He walked to the same deli every afternoon for lunch and talked to the same people. Told the same jokes and laughed at the same stories.

Richard had convinced himself that this was all he was; an average guy, lucky to have a respectable job, content to be alive. It didn't even occur to him that all of this was make believe, that he had invented all of it and that he was actually more.

I remember painting a picture of his life, but all of that is gone now.

Until one bright sunny day at the park. Why he went to the park would always be a mystery to him but one clear, bright day, he went, and as he walked up the small incline leading into the park, he.....

Man!, why didn't i write this when i woke up... that's were the memories stop. I remember talking more, but now can't remember what i said. While it doesn't seem all that great of a story in memory, in the dream i remember the hall being completely silent with the kids leaning forward to catch every word of the story. Now i wonder what was said, but the next memory jumps to this short piece of the ending...

Now let me be clear, Richard isn't any different than any of you here in this room. None of you are ordinary. None of you are limited. None of you should be "content" to be alive.

Like Richard, you all, no, we all, myself included, live in a make believe world. A world limited by our own thoughts. A small world, walled in by our own misbeliefs, our own unwillingness to question what we have been told about who we are.

Like Richard before going to the park, we are locked into these small lives only by our unwillingness to test the door, our blind belief that this is all there is.

It's not. You don't need a key to open the door and escape — all you need to do is walk over and push it open; it's not even locked. You can walk out to freedom anytime you work up the courage to be more than you can imagine.

You're students, that's your job at this stage of your life. You have a lot to learn. Do it, and do it well. But don't let yourself live in Richard's make believe world of mediocrity.

There will be a day in the near future when you leave this place. When you do, don't settle for just good enough. Do settle for what everybody else is, has, does, thinks, believes. Don't settle for make believe. Demand reality. Find someone who can point you towards that door and dare to open it. Dare to walk out free. Dare to be more than anyone can ever believe you can be.

Be brave. Have the courage to Live!

While i don't remember more, i do know that this wasn't a story of Richard waking up to miraculous powers, becoming a super hero, or anything like that. It was a story of a person's spiritual awakening. I'd love to go back and hear the whole talk. Did the students yawn and complain after the talk? Did they buy into it? I don't remember. I'd also love to see the school again. It was so incredibly vivid, so comfortable, almost like i had been there before.

Wish i could go back to sleep and relive it.

Illusions

2011-11-16T09:37:00.003-06:00

"Silence and self-control are disciplines of the mind. ... We usually associate silence with speech – the absence of speech. Real silence, however, is a desire-free, disturbance-free, peaceful mind. When there is peace of mind, the self is seen, and all ignorance-born, self-imposed limitations come to light and therefore disintegrate. A mind that is thus ever peaceful, ever alert is itself meditation."

The Song of God
Venkatesananda

I'm sure I have mentioned it before, but sitting on your butt isn't all there is to meditation. We should look to our zafu as no more than the place where we learn how to meditate and where we regularly return to perfect it. It is like your desk in a school classroom, it's where you learn the skills needed to live a better life, not what life is all about. The real practice of meditation takes place everywhere else — throughout the day, in all situations, with everyone we meet. Meditation is the method we employ to face the world, and in using it we find that we have unlimited abilities to handle what life throws at us, unlimited abilities to grow.

Siting on the zafu is where we get our eyes checked and any necessary corrective eyewear supplied. It is where we learn to see who we really are, who "WE" really are, or, maybe a little more accurately, what "WE" really is. It is here that we learn to see through the delusions we have taken for granted all our lives.

Once the glasses are in place, then, and only then, can we truly say we are ready to deal with the world, because before then, what we think we see, what we "know" we see, is only an illusion. So, submit to the discipline, find that silence tucked away between two thoughts, and then with your new eyes, get off your butt and use those skills in every other aspect of your life.

This

2011-11-14T21:19:00.003-06:00

Found on the side of the road during today's run.

Road Kill 11

What's this thing called life
Temple bells ring the answer
This this this this this

Looking For A Shovel

2011-10-31T21:18:00.004-05:00

"Evil is not absolute, but has a frightening ephemeral existence which it will not do to ignore. But it is also futile to waste our life lamenting over it. Kṛṣṇa gives it just the status it deserves — as a pointer to the wrong road, as a warning sign, as a beacon to guide the navigator.

"Where does this evil exist? What is sin? How does one overcome sin? Does the Lord forgive us? Can we get the better of our fate? These questions have been discussed endlessly by both scholars and laymen.

"One day I was explaining to a few students the law of karma, vis-à-vis the above problem and remarked: 'If you do not want a seed you have sown to sprout, you must pull it out. For this purpose you will have to dig down to the same depth as originally, to get hold of the seed.'...

"Rajas (activity) based on tamas (stupidity) is sin or evil. In order to cancel it we should resort to rajas based on sattva (purity). The intensity and the ‘depth' should be at least the same in both cases. Should there be any difference, the latter should go deeper than the former."

Venkatesananda

I'm not a big fan of the concepts of sin and god, but for me these words still ring incredibly true. So, so often, it seems, when people do something that all know is wrong, they try to explain it away with a simple "I'm sorry," sometimes followed up with a gift. If they are lucky, though, the latter is refused, and the former is accepted with the caveat that the person proffering it acknowledge that it isn't enough.

Venkatesananda is correct (of course) — if you don't want the karmic seed to settle and take root, you have to dig down to the same depth it was planted in order to pull it out. seldom is that at the superficial "I'm sorry" level.

To be honest, I don't even know where this post came from; as far as I know I haven't done anything recently to hurt anyone and have no apologies due. Earlier in the evening I was reading an article that talked about the Indian system of dividing life into four stages: student, householder, forest dweller, and renunciant. That carried over for a while, and while eating dinner I was thinking about my apparent transition from the householder to forest dweller stage. It wasn't a transition I wanted or was ready for and when I made the move, my baggage was chocked full of hatred. I have tried for going on three years to put that bag, unopened, out in the garbage each week, but every time I go out to collect the emptied garbage cans I find that someone has set this bag back up by the garage again.

Why won't the garbagemen take this bag. Yes it is huge, yes it weighs a lot, yes it is oversized, but if i'm trying to get rid of it, isn't it someone's job to take it away. No?

And then I read these words by Venkatesananda. If you planted the seed with a shovel, don't expect to dig it out with a garden trowel, unless you are willing to work for a very, very long time and are willing to accept the tears of frustration that come with the excruciatingly slow process. A much better way to get at the seed is to go out and buy another shovel and just get the job over with. Then you can get back to your life.

My seed of anger, or seeds of anger and hatred, are buried a long way down. If you dropped a rock down that well I doubt you would ever hear the splash. Problem is, I'm smart enough to know that the tool in my hand is a garden trowel, even though I try to convince myself that it looks like a shovel. That only makes me stupid on top of everything else.

I guess this is what it means to be human. If I only knew where to buy my shovel.

The Force Is Within

2011-10-31T18:35:00.003-05:00

"As long as we remain inspired to discover why we came to this world, we remain youthful. Old age has no power over us when we are accompanied by faith that we have something precious to experience and achieve in this lifetime. This faith sparks a burning desire to know the true nature of the invisible force that lies at the core of our being, and when it wells up, nothing — not the lack of worldly resources, a limited knowledge of philosophy, the absence of a living guide, or even old age — can stand in the way of our inner fulfillment."

Rajmani Tigunait
Himalayan Institute

Steve Jobs, A Buddhist?

2011-10-26T10:29:00.003-05:00

I admit i haven't read, and probably won't, the Steve Jobs biography. But from all the news and book excerpts that we have been saturated with since his death, i also have to admit that i wonder about the man's claim to have been a practicing Buddhist.

First of all, let me say that a piece of me admires Steve very much. Not for his success, not for his sales skills, not for his creativity, but for his willingness to be who he wanted to be. He didn't seem to care whether anyone else liked who he was. He didn't seem to care whether anyone else liked the path he wanted to follow. He didn't seem to care whether anyone else thought he was... well, different, unorthodox, a stray cannon. Steve Jobs knew what he wanted to be and became it. That takes guts and a clear understanding of who you are.

On the other hand, from what i understand, he claimed to have been a Buddhist. Yet, despite that, he yelled at his employees, badgered them mercilessly, ran an organization that had fear as a piece of the culture (for certain groups of employees), publicly insulted and disparaged his competitors, held immense grudges, and kept the hateful parts of his heart completely open to public view and well fed. A Buddhist?

When Apple hired John Sculley, they say the clinching argument in the process came from Steve himself, with the now famous "Do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life, or do you want to help me change the world?"

That is a beautiful line and i wish i was in a position to be able to use it myself. On the surface, Steve looks like a wonderful person. But, look below that surface. Change the world? Yes, in many ways, Apple has helped change the world. Technologically. But what i am getting at concerns Steve Jobs, not Apple's technology.

Steve was a salesman. He sold desire and attachment. He sold the belief that you were not a whole person if you didn't own one of Apple's products. He sold desire, holding dreams of the "next big thing" just out of our reach for months like a sick man holding bones just out of reach of starving dogs.

Steve convinced the world that we needed to own his product. That life without it was hard to even contemplate. He cut open our hearts and inserted craving directly inside. He convinced millions (or billions?) of people that they were somehow inherently better people because they had an iPod or iPhone when their friends did not. Conversely, he convinced millions of people that they were inherently lacking in some way if they didn't own his product.

Did Steve help change the world? Yes, he helped institutionalize attachment and aversion, greed and craving. A Buddhist? I'm not so sure about that. A dabbler, maybe, but he didn't seem to understand what being a Buddhist really means.

IMO.

Introspecting... Yet Again

2011-10-25T12:40:00.003-05:00

Sighhhhhhh..........

A Man, A Bike and 4,100 Miles

Sighhhhhhh........

Burning Wood

2011-10-21T15:20:00.004-05:00

Sitting in the back yard on a lovely autumn afternoon drinking beer and burning wood left over from the old floor in the back porch that we ripped out and replaced. It's been an all-afternoon project.

Wood from trees that were carefully harvested by someone who's livelyhood depended on that job.

Wood that was cut, sized, and bundled by someone who knew nothing but a life of working in the mill.

Wood that was driven across the country and delivered to the local hardware store by someone who's sole dream as a child was to become a truck driver and see the country.

Wood that was bought, thrown in the back of a truck, and brought to this house by one of the owners long ago.

Wood that was cut to size, trimmed, and installed with immense amounts of pride so that the final product, a new back porch extension on the house, could be showed off to his wife one chilly spring afternoon.

If the newspaper found under the flooring is to be believed the porch was added in March of 1948, but I have no more memories of doing it. Nor of stacking the lumber at the hardware store. Nor of driving it across country and delivering it. Nor of de-barking the trees and cutting them to size. Nor of the day on the side of the hill cutting down the trees.

No, i remember nothing of what I have done as all those other me's, Dave seems to be the only one that fills my thoughts.

But as all the wood goes up in smoke and I watch the flames, my thoughts drift back to who I am when Dave steps out of the way; who I was when the porch was added some sixty years ago; who I will be some sixty years from now when another goofy old man sits in this same back yard burning wood after he/she too has once again rebuilt the porch.

I See Nothing

2011-10-20T16:15:00.001-05:00

I see it right there
But what i could it be and
Where could that be found

Contracting Into Infinity

2011-10-18T19:41:00.001-05:00

Expanding inward
It continues ever on
Through that gate not there

Koi Pond

2011-10-12T13:43:00.002-05:00

Finally (FINALLY) finished the job of sealing and waterproofing the foundation of my house. Almost all the dirt is back in place and i'll finish the rest over the next two days.

I still have a few projects that i need to get done before winter weather settles in, so i spent some time today working in the front yard. My sister came over last Saturday and we reworked the path that leads into the yard. We had to change the layout of some of the stones because i put the new cherry blossom tree in the middle of the yard.

As you can see in this picture, the tree is pretty small — about 6 feet tall. You can also see two very small brick flower holders right were the path leaves the front sidewalk. If all goes according to plan, those will be full of petunias next spring.

But, wait? What's that white thing up by the torii? It looks like a pond. Is that possible? Well, look at that; it is. OK, so i put it in this morning so it shouldn't be a surprise. I may tweak the shape next spring, but for now, i'll watch it over the winter and see how i like it. I've always wanted a pond in my yard.

The only thing that would make the pond better, IMO, would for it to have koi in it. I'm afraid it might be too cold here in the winter, though, so won't do it. Besides, they probably require more work and maintenance than i'm willing to give.

But, wait! What are those red things in this pond? Are those... could they be... i can't believe it, i think they ARE koi. Can you believe that?

OK, so they are broken pieces of red brick, bit hey, i'm not very smart so can be fooled pretty easily. I think they look like koi, so that's good enough. :-)

Hate Crimes

2011-10-09T22:56:00.002-05:00

Evenings like tonight's are difficult. Ever since shortly before dinner something has wanted writing, has been pushing to come out, distracting all other thoughts all night long. Yet, every time I pick up a keyboard, the fingers refuse to type. It's like a sneeze that is right there, a big, deep inhale and then... nothing. Another sharp inhale, and... nothing. Again, another inhale, and... again, nothing. That's what it's been like all evening and my brain is revolting and demanding "OK already. Either spit it out or get over it and let's move on."

It all started when I was thinking about Kūkai and Dōgen today. As much as I love Dōgen, I have to say that I admire Kūkai just a little bit more. I enjoy Dōgen's teachings more, but as people, as seekers of the truth, Kūkai has always stood apart for me.

When Dōgen realized he didn't have the answers that would satisfy his thirst, he packed up and went to China in search of teachers; he went in search of other people who could impart their knowledge. When Kūkai found himself in that position, he left his teachers and headed to the mountains and beaches of a sparsely inhabited island. Kūkai seemed to understand that the answers he sought weren't to be found in words. Kūkai seemed to understand that he would find what he was looking for by giving up the usual, superficial approach, putting himself in a position where worldly distractions were minimized, and opening himself so that the answers could find him.

Put another way, Dōgen seemed to go to China to find out who he was. Kūkai went to Shikoku to find out who he was not. A man crossed the Inland Sea by boat, but no one got off the boat, no one wandered the island, meditating on mountain peaks and beaches, until no one had the strength to walk on his own, even though Kūkai was always right there with him.

How is it that by subtracting one from one you come up with infinity? How is it that by spending forty days and nights in the desert you come to see that you were never alone? How is it that by doubting knowledge you see the truth? How is it that only by letting go of the limited individual "you," you awaken to the limitless potential of who you really are?

How did Kūkai come to see this so clearly while most of us fight it so ardently? And that's where my fingers run out of words. There's more to this story and that's what's not coming out.

I hate nights like this.

Snowballs In October

2011-10-07T12:14:00.004-05:00

It started out simply, late last month, with the two easy tasks of redoing my downstairs bathroom and reworking a stone pathway running up my back yard. From there it was supposed to move to landscaping.

I found a nice pedestal sink on sale for $40 so tore out the old one in the bathroom. Since the landscaping only entailed moving bushes and plants from other parts of the yard to the back yard and rearranging what was already there both jobs should have been inexpensive and easy. What more can you ask?

The job started to snowball out of control soon after i noticed someone working on my neighbor's deck and asked if he had any ideas for fixing the back porch/sun room that was falling off my house. I wasn't really serious at the time, but he came by later and convinced me that he could fix it and that we (i had to help) could do it at a price i could afford. The bathroom job and the back pathway were both underway but now had to go on hold.

Then the snowball made its first appearance.

Once we had the walls jacked up and supported, and then the floor ripped out, i decided that it didn't make sense to put a new floor back in until i sealed a portion of the foundation along the back wall so i could go back to a dry basement when it rains. I had planned to do that job next year but now would have had to rip the floor back up again when i did, so it didn't make sense to delay. All that was required was about 10 feet of wall. More money, but i could do the north wall next year and spread the cost for all three jobs (porch, back wall, & north wall) over two years.

Then the snowball picked up more speed.

First, the guy who was doing the porch was going to help me dig and we would seal the foundation by ourselves. Unfortunately, after the first hour of digging, he didn't came back. Now what? So i called and got some estimates from professional companies. But, and here was the next place the snowball picked up speed, if i hire the job out, i might as well have them do both the back wall and the north wall at the same time.

OK. More money, but i found a company with a price i could afford (how many times can you say that before the cumulative effect is too much?) and they agreed to let me dig the trenches around the house before they started. With less than a week before they were scheduled to start their work, i realized i wouldn't get the digging finished so had to hire a couple of guys from the company to help with the final two days of digging. Two very long days of back-breaking work, but we got it done.

Then the snowball picked up even more speed.

Once the foundation was exposed we were all in shock at what we saw. A good foundation should look like this:

Granted the tuck pointing isn't brand new, but this is what my wall looks like above ground level, and it looks pretty good. The builders of the foundation took their time to do a good job. Obviously. Nice rectangular stones, with plenty of mortar.

Once we got below ground level, it still didn't look real bad. Until the wall was power washed and all the mud removed, that is. This is what we found behind the mud:

Below ground level, any size stone was laid in place in any position with small stones stuck in cracks and gaping holes everywhere. There was little or no pattern in any of the stones. With all the mud removed, there were gaping holes everywhere, small stones falling out here and there, and not one drop of mortar anywhere to be found. None. It looked as if one small push would bring the foundation down.

The snowball headed straight downhill from there. Forget waterproofing the basement, simply on stability grounds i see no way to get around having the entire wall tuck pointed so that the foundation is not simply a collection of stones stacked up but an interlocking wall that should continue to hold my house up. More money.

So, now i wait for the tuck pointing to be finished. Then we go back to the project of sealing the walls and back-filling the trenches. Then we go back to rebuilding the floor in the back porch. Then we go back to the pathway in the back yard. Then we go back to the landscaping. Then, finally, i can install the pedestal sink and replace the toilet.

This snowball has picked up so much speed, i'm getting dizzy.

The Truth of The Matter

2011-10-04T08:35:00.003-05:00

I never thought i'd agree with Pat Robertson on anything, but find myself eating crow and admitting that we both agree on something.

In a recent interview, Robertson said:

"The truth of the matter is politics is not going to change our world. It's really not going to make that much of a difference."

He's right. Absolutely. 100%. Change, when and if it comes, can only come from "we the people." The government can mandate, obligate, stipulate, and all those other things, but we, as a society, will not change until it comes from the hearts and minds of the people.

Party On The Other Side

2011-10-01T09:35:00.001-05:00

Through that gate-less gate
By invitation only
Request yours within

What's The Point?

2011-09-29T13:11:00.005-05:00

I received an email this morning in which the person made the comment:

"Find it interesting how you have connected, for a lack of a better word, spirituality and business. I’ve always thought that was an interesting approach."

Problem is, i'm not sure how to approach a response to that without writing for several hours — and boring everyone to death in the meantime. And the response certainly isn't directed to my friend alone because it applies to a great many people. IMO. Or, IMHO?

In short (that's always the best way to start, i find, because you lose the fewest number of readers), i don't really connect business and spirituality. At least not any more than i connect politics and spirituality, housework and spirituality, taking out the trash and spirituality, going to the bathroom and spirituality, or any other subject and spirituality.

If spirituality is just another compartment in your life, separate and isolated from the other compartments, like school, work, sports, physical fitness, and your social life, then say what you will, but you ... you...

I don't know what i want to say here. You aren't really practicing? Or, you only have a partial practice? The first sounds too harsh, but the later sounds like it's letting you off the hook too easily.

The purpose of Buddhism isn't to teach you how to chant a set of scriptures, how to perform a set of rituals, or how to sit rock solid zazen. It's not even to teach you how to be a good person, a friend to all, caring, or loving. The purpose of Buddhism isn't to teach you anything. If you are learning something and think that is the point, then you are missing the ultimate point.

Buddhism's purpose is nothing other than to open your eyes to Life, as it really is. To reality and your place in it; to your connection to it. It is nothing other than that. Nothing more. Nothing less. Buddhism isn't concerned with your brain, but with your life; every aspect, every corner, every nook and cranny.

If you want to say you practice Buddhism then you need to understand that you are talking about practicing in every area of your life, every situation you ever find yourself in, every day, every minute, every second, every life. There is no down time where you can say you aren't practicing. If there is, you only have a partial practice.

When you get up in the morning, what is your attitude? Are you aware of it? Working to improve it?

When you eat breakfast, are you aware that you are eating or are you formulating your plan for that meeting later in the morning?

When you are brushing your teeth, are you doing that or day dreaming?

During the commute to work, are you there, in the car/bus/train, or are you millions of miles away on vacation, or back home reliving a fight?

At the office, do you participate in the local gossip? Do you snip and bite at the person down the hall that you have decided doesn't treat you well enough while offering smiles and praise to the friend who shares your interests?

When crisis hits, do you fall off the cliff of worry, panic, and self-denegration or do you calmly deal with it to the best of your ability, offering and taking advice as necessary to solve the problem?

Are there Republicans/Democrats in your group of friends? When they start praising their pet policy and condemning non-believers, do you go from smile to anger in a half a millisecond? Do you respond in anger with name-calling attached or do you simply say you can't agree and offer your reasons, all the while acknowledging that their opinion is as valid as yours?

As the hour approaches when you hope to get that sales contract signed, do you decide to do and say whatever it takes to get it done even though it's not really in the best interest of the client, or do both you and the client know that if they sign it it is because it is best for both parties, it is win-win?

When the janitor comes into your office late in the day, do you absently point across the room and say "garbage can's over there," as you keep working, or do you stop, recognize his/her existence and ask how their day has been? Do you even know anything about the life of the person who empties your garbage can?

Do you absolutely hate to lose in the local softball game? Or come in behind your friend during your afternoon jog? Is competition and winning/losing what sports is about or is the game and the camaraderie what really matters?

You see where i'm going with this? I don't separate my Buddhism from any other aspect of my life. It's impossible because Buddhism is my way of life. When i think about business it is through a Buddhist viewpoint. When i think about politics, science, religion, health, or any other topic, it is through Buddhist eyes.

Buddhism isn't what you do on you zafu each morning. Buddhism isn't what you do at that weekend retreat or week-long sesshin. Buddhism is what you do. Period. Everywhere. All the time. With everybody you meet. In every situation, alone or with others.

Why? Because the purpose of studying Buddhism is to see that everywhere is your life. Everyone is your life. Every situation is your life. Everything is your life. But, i'll write more about that in another post. Maybe now is the time to write something about what i posted long ago regarding Dōgen's comment about seeing Everyday Mind throughout the entire world.

Into What?

2011-09-26T12:23:00.003-05:00

Steaming cup of tea
Soft rays of a new day's sun
Melting into it

Managing Our Lives

2011-09-26T10:58:00.006-05:00

I know this leap seems a bit odd, but bear with me for just a minute. I was reading Peter Drucker's Management: Tasks, Responsibilities, Practices this morning (like i do every Monday morning, because that's what my schedule tells me i have to do on Monday mornings), and ran across this bit of advice:

"The second administrative task [of management] is to bring the business all the time a little closer to the full realization of its potential. Even the most successful business works at a low coefficient of performance as measured against its potential—the economic results that could be obtained were efforts and resources marshaled to produce the maximum yield they are inherently capable of.

"This task is not innovation; it actually takes the business as it is today and asks, What is its theoretical optimum? What inhibits attainment thereof? Where (in other words) are the limiting and restraining factors that hold back the business and deprive it of the full return on its resources and efforts?

"One basic approach—offered here by way of illustration only—is to ask the question What relatively minor changes in product, technology, process, market, and so on, would significantly improve or alter the economic characteristics and results of this business?"

That, in a nutshell, is how i see my practice and how i live my life. It's just a little surprising to see it written in a book on business. I may be a professional failure, but that doesn't make the theories any less correct and pertinent.

Our "business," if you will, is living our lives. The product we produce is the life we live — not the life we want to live or the life we hope to live; not even the life we try and project for others to see, but the actual life we live in all its glory, disarray, and messiness.

The "technology" is what we use to live that life. I have a home practice, with some amount of bells, zafus, statues, etc. Others chose more advanced technologies and practice at Zen Centers and monasteries. Others opt for the highest technology available and actually take vows and become monastics.

The "process" is how we employ the technology we have chosen and how we implement its capabilities into our daily lives.

The "market" is two-fold: our selves and our lives, of course, but also the rest of "everything." Not just all other sentient beings, but the environment, society, culture, etc.

Our jobs, as the only possible managers of our lives, is to "bring the business" of living our lives "all the time a little closer to the full realization of its potential."

That is it! As Drucker points out, this does not necessarily (or usually) entail innovation. It is a constant awareness of where we are, what we are doing, and how we are doing it, keeping our minds open to finding those minor changes that would change the way we live in such a way that we expand that little bit more into our fullest potential.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

2011-09-25T18:46:00.004-05:00

Hired someone to seal/waterproof my 125 year old limestone foundation last week. There was one catch, though — in order to get a price i could afford i had to do the excavating. Approximately 100 feet of trench along two walls. 7'-8' deep along the back wall and the same at the top of the side wall, then sloping down from there. About 30" wide. Let me tell you, this is brutal work. One week down and i expect to finish by the end of next week.

Robbed In Broad Daylight

2011-09-24T09:18:00.003-05:00

"[A]ll questions are silly and so are all answers. Questions come out of the mind like leaves come out of the trees. Questions are part of the mind that has to be dropped; questions keep the mind nourished.

"A question is really a search for food. The answer is the food. The question is a groping: the mind is feeling hungry, it wants to be strengthened, it wants to be fed, it searches for food. Wherever it can find something satisfying... any answer that makes the mind knowledgeable, that gives the mind the feeling 'Now I know,' functions as a food. And the mind can go on and on asking, collecting answers, becoming knowledgeable. The more knowledgeable the mind is, the more difficult it is to drop it. And it has to be dropped, because unless questioning ceases in you, you will never be silent. Unless questioning disappears totally, you will not find that space, that serenity, that stillness, which can make you aware of who you are, and of what this reality is. Remember, reality is never going to come to you in the form of an answer. It has never happened that way, it is not going to happen that way. It CAN'T happen that way, it is not in the nature of things. Reality comes to you when there is no question left; reality comes to an unquestioning state of awareness.

"So the first thing to be remembered is: all questions are silly, and all answers are too. Then you will be a little puzzled -- why do I go on answering your questions? If you look deep down into my answers you will see that they are not answers. They don't nourish your mind, they destroy your mind, they shatter you. They are meant to be shocks. The purpose of my answering is to hammer your mind -- it is hammering, it is not answering. In the beginning, when you come here for the first time and you don't understand me and my purpose, you may think that I am answering you. The longer you are here, the deeper you become attuned with me, the more you know that my answering is not to give you answers. It is not to make you more knowledgeable -- just the opposite. It is to take your knowledge away, to make you unknowledgeable, to make you ignorant -- ignorant again, innocent again -- so that questioning disappears.

"And when there is no questioning, there is a totally new quality to your consciousness. That quality is called wonder. Wondering is not questioning, it is feeling mystified by existence. Questioning is an effort to demystify existence; it is an effort not to accept the mystery of life. Hence we reduce every mystery to a question. The question means the mystery is only a problem to be solved, and once solved, there will be no mystery. My effort in answering you is not to demystify existence but to mystify it more. Hence my contradictions. I cannot be consistent, I am not answering you. I cannot be consistent, because I am not here to make you more knowledgeable. If I am consistent, you will have a body of knowledge -- very satisfying to the mind, nourishing, strengthening, gratifying. I am deliberately inconsistent, contradictory, so that you cannot make any body of knowledge out of me. So if one day you start gathering something, another day I take it away. I don't allow you to gather anything. Sooner or later, you are bound to be awakened to the fact that something totally different is transpiring here. It is not that I am giving you some dogma to be believed in, some philosophy to be lived by, no, not at all. I am utterly destructive, I am taking everything away from you.

"Slowly slowly your mind will stop questioning. What is the point? When no answer answers, then what is the point? And the day you stop questioning is a day of great rejoicing, because then wondering starts. You have moved into a totally new dimension; you are again a child."

The Book of Wisdom
Osho

Visiting The Bank

2011-09-23T11:56:00.004-05:00

From the book, The Magic of Thinking Big:

Your mind is very much like a bank. Every day you make thought deposits in your "mind bank." These thought deposits grow and become your memory. When you settle down to think or when you face a problem, in effect you say to your memory bank, "What do I already know about this?"

Your memory bank automatically answers and supplies you with bits of information relating to this situation that you deposited on previous occasions. Your memory, then is the basic supplier of raw material for your new thought.

The teller in your memory bank is tremendously reliable. He never crosses you up. If you approach him and say, "Mr. Teller, let me withdraw some thoughts I deposited in the past proving I'm inferior to just about everybody else," he'll say, "Certainly sir. Recall how you failed two times previously when you tried this? Recall what your sixth-grade teacher told you about your inability to accomplish things...Recall what you overheard some fellow workers saying about you...Recall..."

And on and on Mr. Teller goes, digging out of your brain thought after thought that proves you are inadequate.

But suppose you visit your memory teller with this request: "Mr. Teller, I face a difficult decision. Can you supply me with any thoughts which will give me reassurance?"

And again, Mr. Teller says, "Certainly, sir," but this time he delivers thoughts you deposited earlier that say you can succeed. "Recall the excellent job you did in a similar situation before...Recall how much confidence Mr. Smith placed in you...Recall what your good friends said about you...Recall..."

Mr. Teller, perfectly responsive, lets you withdraw the thought deposits you want to withdraw. After all, it is your bank.

The Magic of Thinking Big
David Schwartz

As he goes on to say after this, the remedy is to always, always, always a) deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank, and b) withdraw only positive thoughts from your memory bank. Always!

More importantly, though, and having a much broader application to our lives, i think, is the idea that "Your memory, then is the basic supplier of raw material for your new thought."

You may think that you are thinking new thoughts, coming up with new ideas, investigating new territory... but the supplier of a great portion of the supporting thoughts and ideas of your thinking is coming from past thoughts, memories of past experiences, and the results as you perceived them.

Change your focus and you change your life.

Road Construction Workers Needed

2011-09-22T09:24:00.003-05:00

The street in front of my house is being repaved this week and it is a marvelous thing to watch.

The first step came when all realized that the old road just wasn't working anymore. Sure, it was functional and sufficed for going about our daily lives, but it caused immense amounts of suffering. While there were no holes that would swallow elephants, the entire road was littered with potholes and cracks that caused you to trip and stumble as you went along. Even worse, in some respects, were the constant mind games as you spent most of your time looking out for the problem areas — that you knew were there and so desperately wanted to avoid — knowing the grief they would invoke.

One of the marvelous things about the process is the teamwork involved. Hundreds of people are involved in the process, each with their own specific job to do and as long as each person does their job, the process flows smoothly and seamlessly. Of course, small, unexpected problems do pop up, but it seems that they have small teams set up that can, on a moments notice, rush in to make the repairs, iron out the wrinkles, and smooth tempers. This isn't the job of one person or just a few; this is a major undertaking.

The first step was to strip off all the old beliefs asphalt that was known to be causing the problems. It's not an easy process by any means, but tools have been developed over the years that allow you to remove even them hardest set problem areas.

The old asphalt is stripped right down to the base layer, right down to the ground. That is then thoroughly investigated with teams walking back and forth looking for any signs of weakness where future problems could once again spring up. Areas that need support are given the time and effort needed to stabilize them. Nothing is hurried — this is a process that takes time.

Once the team is convinced that the underlying base is solid everywhere, once everyone believes it can and will support those that choose to travel on it, the rebuilding process begins. There is no guess work here, years of investigation, years of trial and error, years of practical implementation have shown us the best mixture of asphalt to use as a replacement for the old.

Not too hard and brittle, not too soft and supple. Not too easily susceptible to heat, not too susceptible to cold. Can deal with those that carry heavy, hard to manage loads as well as those that pass by with little trace. Can as easily hold up to raging storms that float by unexpectedly as it does to cool spring days with pleasant breezes.

The asphalt can make our lives miserable if it isn't tended to and repaired as necessary. Our job is to keep an eye on it and look for those places that make our lives unnecessarily difficult. What sense does it make to live in a world of pot-holed asphalt and broken roads when with just a little effort we can get it repaired and everyone benefits?

On paper, this process sounds simple: strip off the problems and repave with a new road that both supports us and encourages us to get out and interact with others. In fact, though, it takes immense amounts of work and the support of a great many people to get it done.

The results, the new road we travel, makes all the effort well worth the time and money we need to invest.

Zombies

2011-09-19T11:53:00.008-05:00

Oh boy, did i ever step on toes yesterday. It wasn't an hour after yesterday's post when i heard Dave storming up the stairs yelling "Lao. Lao. You up there? We've got to talk." He didn't sound all that happy.

I won't go into specifics, but the conversation started along these lines:

Lao, i just don't get you. You say you love the henro trail. You say it's an amazing experience. You say it can change people's lives. Yet, you're asking me to be a zombie when i walk it. How can a zombie experience the henro trail?

When did i ever say that you should walk like a zombie?

In that last post. You said to constantly focus on nothing more than the "ceaseless practice of the present" during the entire walk. If i do that, i won't see anything, won't hear anything, won't experience anything. I'll be a walking zombie.

And it went downhill from there, for a while.

Now i know that the rest of you aren't idiots like Dave is, but just in case there is some confusion, i want to make it clear that everything he said last night is utter BS. That's not at all what i meant.

As i pointed out to Dave, being mindful during meditation doesn't mean zoning out, pulling into your head and completely blocking out all perceptions of everything external. Not at all. In fact, it's just the opposite.

Being mindful means being completely open; accepting any and all perceptions that arrive, as they arrive, and letting them pass by, untouched, unanalyzed, uncompartmentalized, without definition and without judgement.

A bird chirps outside and you simply note a noise and let the thought pass by. You don't go to the next step of 'a cardinal,' in the tree on the south side of the house,' or 'i wonder if it is the same bird as this morning.' Simply let the noise pass by like a leaf on a stream.

Clouds float by overhead causing a shadow to sweep across the room. Note the change in light and let the thought pass by untouched. No, 'oh, is it supposed to rain?,' or 'must have been a small cloud,' or even 'cloud.' Just note the change in light and let it move on.

When i say 'note the noise,' or 'note the change in color,' i don't even mean to mentally say anything like "ah, there's a perception." All i mean is, when a thought related to a new perception arises, as it usually will, simply let it pass through your consciousness untouched. Let it come and let it go. Just continue to Be.

And you can do the same thing when you walk. Every second of the walk will produce countless new perceptions as new sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and tactile sensations interact with your body. Unless it happens to be appropriate at that particular time, simply let each perception pass by without thought. Accept them, but don't stop them and focus on them. Let them float into awareness and right back out.

That doesn't make you a zombie, in fact, quite the opposite — if you don't divert your attention to focus on one particular perception, you allow yourself to expand into all perceptions. You miss much less of the experience if you don't grasp onto any one particular aspect of it. Being present doesn't mean being blind, deaf, and dumb, it means being unaffected.

That's what i call the static aspect of being present. There is also a dynamic aspect that comes into play as you intentionally choose to interact with the world — when you choose to talk to someone, or choose to marvel at the beauty of the scenery, or the deliciousness of a particular taste, or the complete oddity of some weird aspect of your experience at that moment.

In these cases, as well, you can learn to function in the present. When you meet someone, listen with your entire being; don't try to second guess their meaning, or some benefit you may receive. Don't try and formulate your answer while they are still talking. When that piece of sushi tastes incredibly good, don't start comparing it to your local shop back home, don't start wondering how much wasabi the chef put on it. Just revel in the taste and enjoy it.

Part of your henro will be spent in the static aspect of mindfulness; controlling that monkey mind as it tries to swing from all the new branches it is being exposed to as you walk. Another part of your henro, though, will be completely dynamic; noticing, interacting, responding, accepting, giving, and more.

Both of these can be done while living nowhere other than 'the present.'

This morning i watched a sparrow outside my window fly into the front yard and settle on a Russian Sage plant. As it settled, the branch sank and wobbled under its weight. Fluttering its wings, the sparrow didn't panic, but allowed the branch to settle at its own pace until an equilibrium had been reached, where the branch no longer wobbled and the sparrow felt safe where it was.

It could just as easily have settled on top of the torii standing nearby, but it chose the sage for reasons unknown. The torii is stable and non-moving; landing there would have eliminated those few moments of uncertainty in whether or not the Sage was going to support it's weight. But the sparrow chose the Sage. Why, i don't know — maybe because of the intense purple color or because of the intoxicating smell.

For whatever reason, the sparrow accepted the temporary uncertainty, confident that as long as it stayed present, if the experience didn't play out as expected it could move on to another option easily.

That's what i'm asking you to do on the henro trail. Don't spend your days sitting on the torii, always safe in the thoughts and habits that make up your normal life back home, and in which you feel completely secure. Seek out that Sage, those new, uncertain, colorful and intoxicating experiences where you're not sure how they will turn out. Where you will wobble and feel unsure as the experience begins to unfold.

By approaching these experiences only in the present, though, you can know when the wobbling is too much and when it might be appropriate to simply move on to another branch. The key is to approach the experience with a mind firmly fixed in the present moment, and nowhere else.

Nothing about this approach implies living like a zombie. Nothing.

Now, i wonder how long it will take Dave to come storming upstairs this time..... :-)

What Is A Henro?

2011-09-18T16:01:00.003-05:00

I know i'll step on some toes with this post because there are a lot of people who have walked the henro trail on Shikoku and, therefore, call themselves "henro" even though i would say they are only tourists. If you are one of those people, this is not meant as a disparaging put-down; nor a judgement of the value of your walk as compared to mine. It is only my thoughts on the difference between these two groups of walkers: henro & tourists.
~~~~~~~~~~

The easy way to start is to say what a henro is not. As long as you think that the goal of this walk is to visit each of the 88 (108) temples, you are a tourist. As long as you think that the goal has anything to do with the "form" of the pilgrimage, you are not a henro.

You become a henro only when you see that the goal is found in the "emptiness" of the pilgrimage, in what is not there, what can not be grasped and held onto, what can not be seen, heard, smelled, tasted or touched. Only when you understand that each step on the path, by itself, is the goal do you become a henro. When you realize that the goal is nothing more than to take each step, one after another, with no further thoughts of attainment, then and only then, does the tourist disappear and the henro arrives on the scene.

Each step is the goal and the goal is each step. These are equivalent. Not the same, but not different. Just as form and emptiness. Just as life and death. Just as words and silence.

Malcolm Bosse in his novel The Warlord, made it very clear when he had one of his characters point out that:

Whoever or whatever it is that gives such things gives us our essence at birth.
That essence then begins to unfold.
To watch it unfold is to live.
To watch it unfold with confidence and good humor is to follow the Way.

It's hard to improve on that. As you take your first steps away from Temple One, an experience of the henro trail begins to unfold. To watch it unfold as you walk is to live. To watch it without judgement, without desire, without preference for one or another kind of experience, letting it unfold as it will ... with confidence and good humor ... is to follow the Way.

Lao Tsu also talked about this distinction when, in the 11th chapter of the Tao Te Ching, he says:

Thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;
It is the center hole that makes it useful.

Shape clay into a vessel;
It is the space within that makes it useful.

Cut doors and windows for a room;
It is the holes which make it useful.

Therefore benefit comes from what is there;
Usefulness from what is not there.

All maps of the pilgrimage show 88 (108) temples, 4 prefectures, thousands of mile/kilometer markers. Focusing on these material way-points will bring you benefit: health benefits, psychologoial benefits, maybe even spiritual benefits. But none of this is what makes the henro trail useful.

Lao Tsu tries to point to the usefulness as he continues into the 14th chapter.

Look, it cannot be seen — it is beyond form.
Listen, it cannot be heard — it is beyond sound.
Grasp, it cannot be held — it is intangible.
These three are indefinable;
Therefore they are joined in one.

From above it is not bright;
From below it is not dark:
An unbroken thread beyond description.
It returns to nothingness.
The form of the formless,
The image of the imageless,
It is called indefinable and beyond imagination.

Stand before it and there is no beginning.
Follow it and there is no end.
Stay with the ancient Tao,
Move with the present.

Knowing the ancient beginning is the essence of Tao.

The usefulness of the henro trail is it's unending willingness to point the henro towards what the above words are trying to show us. Standing at the sanmon of Temple One, there is no beginning. Follow the henro trail and there is no end. Stay with each step, one at a time; never stray. Move with the present. This is the essence of the henro.

In the Ceaseless Practice chapter of his Shōbōgenzō, Dōgen says: "Ceaseless practice which manifests ceaseless practice is nothing other than ceaseless practice of the present. Ceaseless practice of the present is not the ceaseless practice of the original self, nor does it come and go, exit and enter. 'In the present' does not mean 'existing prior to ceaseless practice.' It refers to the time ceaseless practice emerges. Therefore, that is why the ceaseless practice of one day is the seed of all the Buddhas. Through ceaseless practice, all Buddhas are manifest and their ceaseless practice occurs."

Being a true henro means dedicating each step of the walk to nothing more than an investigation of this "ceaseless practice of the present."

Of course, having said all of that, you'll know you are a henro when you know that there really is no goal in this walk — there is only being and walking. What will come will come. What will go will go. What will occur will occur. As a henro, you understand that your only responsibility is to accept, and move on. One step at a time.

Dangerous Construction Practices

2011-09-18T10:02:00.003-05:00

Constructing your life
Looking for something to build
First nail and you're lost

It's very simple
Build it and it's of no use
It's not like something

Internal Stillness

2011-09-16T19:58:00.002-05:00

I could listen to Francis Lucille teach forever...

Bad Drivers

2011-09-15T15:34:00.003-05:00

A very interesting ride to the grocery store this morning.

On the way there, the car behind me obviously didn't think that my driving the speed limit was near fast enough. At times I doubt you could have slid a piece of paper between my back bumper and his front bumper. It drove me nuts, but I laughed at him and tried to ignore it.

On the way home, the car in front of me for a while obviously didn't think that the speed limit was the proper speed for that road, opting for 30 mph instead of the posted 40. It drove me nuts, but all I could do is laugh and try to ignore it.

Then it hit me: slower than I wanted to drive = bad driving; faster than I wanted to drive = bad driving. In other words, if life didn't conform to my wishes and expectations then life was wrong, not me.

That's when I started laughing at myself. How entirely bogus. How completely ridiculous. I don't believe that nonsense, so why was I being stupid?

Thanks, life, for today's lesson.

No Dogs Don't Die

2011-09-06T20:57:00.002-05:00

That dog Mu was dead
Before it became famous
It was everywhere

Mergers & Acquisitions

2011-09-06T09:04:00.003-05:00

Found this to be very interesting bicycling news: RadioShack & Leopard-Trek are merging teams.

Some of the funnier comments i've read about the merger are the complaints that Levi Leipheimer isn't included in the new team. Seems that he opted to leave and join the also newly-merged Omega-Pharma/Quickstep team; there is too much competing talent for him to be considered a leader if he had stayed with Radio-Shack/Leopard-Trek.

What i find humorous is that Levi would be considered a "leader" on any team competing at the Grand Tours. He's a good rider, don't get me wrong, but he is not good enough to be the leader and have a team built around him in support of GC wins — except for races here in the US.

Building a team around Levi would be like BMC building a team around George Hincapie. I love George, highly respect him and his talent, but he is a leader of the support group, the riders supporting the GC contenders, not the person expected to win the race. Levi is exactly the same.

Enso

2011-09-04T21:02:00.000-05:00

Good Fortune

2011-09-02T21:52:00.002-05:00

Went to the local Home Depot this afternoon to get some parts to do a job at my sister's house. Imagine my surprise to find a Yoshino cherry blossom tree sitting by the front door on sale for $27. It's about 7' tall now, but will grow to about 30' tall and 30' in diameter, slightly smaller than the Shidarezakura (weeping cherry blossom tree) that is already in my front yard.

The Yoshino is now sitting in my front yard and will be planted in the morning.

:-)

No One Should Love Me

2011-08-31T17:41:00.000-05:00

I just realized i wasted almost an entire day. There are three books that i have set aside where i read one entry each and every morning. It's usually the first thing i do after breakfast. Today i read two of them but set one aside so i could take care of some other 'stuff.' It's now dinner time and i decided to read it before cooking something to eat. How could i have know that i could have had an entire day to mull this over had i read it this morning like i was supposed to?

Today's entry in Venkatesananda's commentary of the Bhagavad Gita, The Song of God, is one of those that gives you an entire 24 hours worth of food for thought. If you can read past the "God" word, and understand what he is really pointing out, enjoy this:

"No activity will lead you to God, yet you cannot remain without action even for a second. Life itself is action. Actions arise in God's nature and that nature carries on the world-play. Therefore, work—but 'work for me'—realizing that God is the source of action. 'I' am not the doer at all. God is your supreme goal, but let not this idea tempt you to neglect your duties.

"Knowing that God, is in all, that God is the all, be devoted to the welfare of all beings. Beware, however, lest you should get attached to them. You love them—no, not 'them', but the God in them.

"This non-attachment, in its turn, has one peril. It may lead you to a life of isolation, a dread of people and of living with them and serving them. It may even make you feel that the world and its peoples are your enemies who will lead you astray, so that you should avoid them like poison! If you entertain this idea, you will be throwing the child away with the bathwater. You will be shutting the omnipresent God out of your heart.

"The perception of truth or the reality transforms the world into the love of God without touching it or wanting to change it. In the delicate art of loving all and yet not becoming attached to them (loving them); of loving God in them, and yet not regarding 'them' as different from God—lies the secret of self-realisation."

Look around, wherever you happen to be sitting or standing right now. See everyone around you, hear all the sounds floating around, smell all the smells in the air. Do it without thinking, without judging, without preferences, without hopes, desires, without wanting anything to be in any particular way. Just Be there. Just Be there Now.

Can you see that which is in all, which enlivens all, yet is bigger than all? Can you see that which is more than everything and yet less than nothing?

You Who Know

2011-08-30T22:23:00.001-05:00

Say I Am You

I am dust particles in sunlight.
I am the round sun.

To the bits of dust I say, Stay.
To the sun, Keep moving.

I am morning mist,
and the breathing of evening.
I am wind in the top of a grove,
and surf on the cliff.

Mast, rudder, helmsman, and keel,
I am also the coral reef they founder on.

I am a tree with a trained parrot in its branches.
Silence, thought, and voice.

The musical air coming through a flute,
a spark of stone, a flickering in metal.
Both candle and the moth crazy around it.
Rose, and the nightingale lost in the fragrance.

I am all orders of being, the circling galaxy,
the evolutionary intelligence, the lift, and the falling away.

What is, and what isn't.

You who know, Jelaluddin,
You the one in all, say who I am.
Say I am you.

Rumi

How I love those words.....

Here's the video version:

"Say who I am. Say I am you." And while Rumi could have said it, he wanted more than just words; He wanted to see. Like all good pilgrims, he went Looking For Your Face and when he found it, told us of this wonderful experience:

Beyond ecstasy
Each breath each heartbeat is all
Face to face with mu

Hanging On

2011-08-29T17:50:00.005-05:00

Lao, you got a minute?

Sure, what's up Dave. Haven't talked to you in a while.

Yeah, i was out of town a lot this spring; on Shikoku for two and a half months and then a couple of weeks this summer on my bike. It was nice.

Great, glad you enjoyed the trips. How was Shikoku this time? Learn anything?

It was different, i can't deny that. Guiding someone and being completely focused on their needs certainly changed the nature of the walk, but, yes, i still learned a lot.

Such as?

That i'm still an egotistical fool and have a lot of baggage to throw out.

Good lesson. But, that's not why you're here i would guess.

No. I've been reading your blog and just don't understand what you're trying to say. On the one hand, there is an objective reality "out there." On the other hand, everything is a creation of our mind. I just can't see past that contradiction.

Look around the room, Dave. Point out one thing that you are absolutely certain exists.

You.

Who is that?

You? Lao Bendan. The stupid old man from Lockport.

That's it?

Older than young, male, retired, or semi-retired as you like to say, balding, what's left is greying, clean shaven about half the time, athletic, likes to ride his bike and run, loves to travel, loves even more to read.

If i changed my name, would that change who i am?

No, of course not.

No, my name is just a mental tag we all use to individuate who i am so we all know who we are talking about. So that is a creation of my, and your, mind. Stupid old man?

:-) No, that's not true in the first place, so yes, that too is a creation of our minds.

It is true, and if you don't see that, you've missed the point of a great many of my blog posts. But, let's save that for another discussion. Maybe over a few beers some evening. What about old? Male? Retired? Actual facts? Or creations of our minds?

Well, you're certainly not a spring chicken. You definitely quit your job. And, i'd bet that if i snuck in the bathroom while you were in the shower i could verify that you are, most definitely, a male.

Would the 100+ people living on Okinawa say that i am old?

Of course not, they'd say you're still young.

So that isn't an objective fact. That label is one you created in your mind. The same with retired and male — you can point to an objective fact out there, but the label you stick on it, the meaning you give it, the way you interpret it, is created in your mind. Not everyone in the world, looking at the same fact you do, will apply the same label or interpret it the same way.

But what about the absolutely objective facts, like the sun rise this morning at 5:30?

Did the sun really rise?

No.

At the time you saw the sun clear the horizon, would everyone in the world agree that it was morning? Or that it was 5:30?

No.

So all of that is a creation of your mind only. Listen, i'm not saying that there isn't an objective universe, that the sun didn't get higher and higher above the horizon throughout the day, or that it wasn't 5:30 when it happened. I'm simply saying that absolutely everything about the way you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel that objective universe, the way you interact with it, with no exceptions, is filtered through your mind. And since everybody's mind is different, everyone has a different interpretation of that objective universe.

So what? That is all trivial? What does it matter that the people in Australia call my summer, winter? Or that people in Okinawa consider you young when i think you're old? All you're saying is that everything is relative.

No i'm not. Far from it. Yes, these examples are trivial, i don't deny that. But what i want you to do is realize, at the very core of your being, that you can't find anything that isn't filtered through your mind. Everything is a creation of your mind. That table is only a table because you say it is. That person is only a saint because you say she is. A planet is a planet only because you say it is. I am only good because you have decided that i am.

So?

So everything you think you know as FACT, indisputable, certainly true, is also a creation of your mind. There is nothing that you know, that you own, that you think, that you use, that you believe, that you worship... that is what you think it is. That exists in any certainly verifiable way that is unaffected by your mental processes.

So?

So stop judging people because you, or your group, has labeled them good, bad, or indifferent. Stop fighting because somebody wants something that you call yours. Stop putting people to death because you have decided that they are criminals and don't deserve to live. Stop being nice to one neighbor because she's beautiful and snubbing another because she's not. Stop loving one person because that person fulfills some of your needs and hating others that don't. Stop believing your dogma and vilifying others because they don't agree with your version.

No one can do all of that.

Wrong. Most people don't want to do all of that. It's not that they can't. Why don't they? Because that would mean giving up the belief that everything they think they are is necessarily true, is certain fact. Most people don't have the guts to do that. They want to see themselves as right. As good. As fair. As friendly. As beautiful. As successful. As smart. As inventive. As sexy. As macho. As any number of things. They have invested countless years trying to convince the world and their friends that they are the story that they have invented, when in fact it is only a story. Most people don't have the courage to throw the story away and see the being that exists underneath all of that. They can; they just don't want to.

And how would i be better off if i did? I don't see how i could function in the world if i did that.

The world would still be here. Your job would still be here. Your friends would still be here, if they keep you as a friend after you change. Your house, your car, your body, your brain, your ability to think, see, hear, etc. It would all still be here. Functioning as if nothing happened. BUT, and this is the huge but, your relationship to all of that would have changed in unimaginable ways. You would still be the same person, but "you" would no longer be there.

If i wanted to see this, how would i go about it?

Sit on your butt. To start. Sit until your mind settles down for extended periods of time. It could take hours to get there or it could take years. Maybe decades. Depends on the person and the sincerity they bring to their practice. Then when all is calm, crawl into that eternity existing between two thoughts. Crawl into that space where you, 'out there,' and any relationship between them all cease to exist.

You're describing a vegetable.

Don't stay there permanently. Stay for some fixed amount of time. Then when the meditation timer goes off, get up, and go about your normal life. The life defined by "Dave." Wash, rinse, and repeat every day. Day after day. Year after year.

And?

That is for you to find out. You will change. You will evolve. You will mature spiritually. You will begin to see with more than just your eyes. If you are patient and persistent, you will see. And you will be thankful you persisted. Promise. OK, i need to take a shower. We'll talk again later.

Crossing Uncrossable Chasms

2011-08-27T08:47:00.007-05:00

I love quotes; have collected them for years decades. If pressed, it would be hard to choose a favorite even though i have probably quoted T.S.Eliot hundreds of times more than any one else.

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.

I live by that quote in every aspect of my life: personal, professional, mental, spiritual, physical. And even though it has caused me countless amounts of grief as i hit walls that stop my progress even though i want to push further, i still find myself living by its rule.

And yet...

And yet, when i sit down and consider it, i have to admit that the quote i would want on my gravestone (if i wasn't going to be cremated) isn't that, but this one by Marcel Proust:

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.

If this one sentence was widely understood, truly understood, and adopted by the world's population, the world would be a different place.

For most people, the world is, and always will be, divided into me & you, me & the world, inside my head & outside my head, my life & everybody else's life. The world is divided up into three separate camps, with uncrossable chasms separating them: subject (me), object (the rest of the world), and the relationships between them.

Everything we do, everything we think, everything we say originates from the "me" camp. No matter how subtle, everything starts from our desire to make "me" feel better. Even our spiritual journey starts from the desire to alleviate "my" suffering, or the desire for "my" ability to help "others."

If you are a serious practitioner, however, there is a better path; one where you actively and persistently work at noticing how often, and how subtly, what you do/think/say originates with the concept that "I" am separate from "everything else."

The path i'm talking about doesn't exist above the normal categories of subject, object, and relationship, it doesn't try and unify them — it dissolves them. Completely. The signposts along this path all ask you to stop, take a breath, and realize that everything you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell is filtered through your mind. That all perceptions, hence everything about that "out there" that we think we know, is filtered through our beliefs, ideologies, fantasies, education, etc. In other words, through all that conditioning we have taken on board since the moment of our birth.

As you do this often enough, persistently enough, and for long enough periods of time you come to understand that everything is a creation of your own mind. Every thing that you think you know, every thing that you think you are has been made up by your mind. Yes, the physical world is real and "out there," but so are you. Not you, that bag of skin and bones, but you, the being that you really are. You come to understand that everything, with no exceptions, is a constituent part of who and what you are; that you are a constituent part of every one and every thing out there.

A sense perception hits your eyes. A sight consciousness arises. So far, completely neutral in meaning and value. Then the mind gets involved and all of the sudden there is a 'you,' an 'it,' and some relationship between them. If you can learn to get around this step, the object, the subject, and any relationship disappears and there is simply 'everyday mind.'

As the frequency and duration of this openness, this emptiness, increases, it begins to bleed over to the way your every day discriminating, thinking mind works and interacts with the world and the word 'experience' begins to take on new meanings.

Just For Fun...

2011-08-24T20:46:00.002-05:00

Sipping something sweet
Savoring seraphic sights
Shikoku's shadow

Only When Empty

2011-08-23T23:04:00.004-05:00

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The wind speaks not more sweetly to the giant oaks than to the least of all the blades of grass and he alone is great who turns the voice of the wind into a song made sweeter by his own loving."

Kahlil Gibran

"Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced."

Kahlil Gibran

Into The Water

2011-08-22T19:21:00.003-05:00

Tonight I was going to write about what perceiving everyday mind throughout the entire world means to me. But, i'm reading on my iPad and not my laptop, so will write something tomorrow when I have my laptop (with it's bigger keyboard) out.

However, i'll throw out there that the thought on the tip of my tongue is a poem I posted a while ago:

The Swan
This clumsy living that moves lumbering
as if in ropes through what is not done,
reminds us of the awkward way the swan walks.

And to die, which is the letting go
of the ground we stand on and cling to every day,
is like the swan, when he nervously lets himself down
into the water, which receives him gaily
and which flows joyfully under
and after him, wave after wave,
while the swan, unmoving and marvelously calm,
is pleased to be carried, each moment more fully grown,
more like a king, further and further on.

Rainer Maria Rilke
Translated by Robert Bly

Dōgen said that unifying 'learning through the mind' with 'practice through our body' IS the perception of everyday mind throughout the phenomenal world. He didn't say that when we harmonize the practice of enlightenment with our body the entire world CAN be seen in its true form, he said it WILL be. Do we believe him?

Unity be damned
Doing that is laughable
Show me that i'll bow

Bowing low to that
It can not be unified
It is just bowing

Who Has Time?

2011-08-20T21:50:00.002-05:00

There was a time once
I could walk the henro trail
But who has time now

Everyday Mind

2011-08-17T10:38:00.002-05:00

One of the descriptions of "everyday mind" that i particularly like comes from that famous spiritual classic "Canon PowerShot A720IS Camera User Guide." In it, near the beginning, you find this description:

Shooting Still Images
1. Press the power button
2. Select a shooting mode
3. Aim the camera at the subject
4. Press the shutter button lightly to set the focus
5. Without changing anything else, press the shutter button all the way to shoot

Make the decision to begin, to participate.
Select the appropriate behavior for your location.
Choose an appropriate subject and focus your attention on it.
Focus. Lightly. Don't force this, simply allow your focus to be where it belongs.

Yada, yada, yada,... i.e, based on your aspirations, based on your intention to participate in the process, complete all of the requisite preparations. Then,

Without changing anything else, press the button to carry out the intended action.

That's the key — without changing anything. Your preparations are complete, you've done all that needs doing; stop analyzing, stop thinking about it, stop wondering if everything is right, if anything can be better... Without changing anything, simply press the button and begin.

This should sound like:
1. Walk over to your zafu
2. Select shamatha, vipashana, shikantaza, chanting, or whatever you intend to do
3. Focus your mind
4. Adjust your legs and rock back and forth a few times to settle in
5. Without changing anything else, begin to sit.

I'm telling you, those people at Canon are marvelous Buddhist practitioners.

Just by looking at the words, "everyday mind" seems to mean that mind we use every day, day in, day out, all day long as we go about living our lives. It's that mind we use to set up the shot. It's the mind we use as we mentally swear at the alarm clock when it goes off in the morning, the mind we use as we choose what color socks to wear today, the mind we use as we plan our day, the mind we use as we perform our jobs, as we think about where to go for lunch, what to cook for dinner, when we decide to stop for gas on the way home because the gas station will be busy tomorrow morning, as we read our kids a bed time story... and on and on.

While that planning, discriminating, thinking, evaluating mind is the one we use throughout our days, every day, it is not "everyday mind" as Dōgen uses the word. In fact, it is just the opposite. Dōgen's version is the "without changing anything else..." mind.

In Shinjin Gakudō, Dōgen tells us what he means.

This mind is not concerned with the past or future worlds — it is continually working now, in the present, and concerns itself only with each new moment. "Everyday mind" is its own accomplishment, self-contained and self-fulfilling. Ancient times are cut off and past, present, and future exist together in each moment. Keep your mind in the present. If we always think about the past, our entire vision will revert to the past and it will be distorted.

He goes on to say:

"Everyday mind" opens its gates for each moment of existence — life and death, coming and going enter freely. Do not think of heaven and earth as this world or the next; know that they co-exist eternally in each passing moment. ... The entire content and meaning of heaven and earth and its relationship to the mind reduces itself to one eternal moment.

All our activity is rooted in the eternal nature of "everyday mind." Most of the time we forget this but Buddhas are always aware of this fact. If we have hosshin—the resolve to attain supreme enlightenment—surely we will enter the Way of Buddha. This desire for enlightenment must be self-governing; it cannot come from others. Enlightenment is the natural activity of "everyday mind."

Everyday mind is that mind you were born with, before you covered it over with beliefs, ideologies, values, biases, education, facts, knowledge, preferences, doubts, hopes, fears, religions, fantasies, heros, gods, life, death, sickness, health, favorites, comfort, discomfort, nirvana, samsara, enlightenment, delusion. Everyday mind is that mind that exists only in THIS moment, right here, right now, moment after moment new and different, forever the same yet always different, lasting one moment, yet eternal, with no beginning and no end.

We need our discriminating, thinking, evaluating minds to function in society. They are important tools that we need to always keep on hand and always keep sharp. Yet we need to remember that old adage "Give a man a hammer and everything will look like a nail." Use that mind when it is important, when it is appropriate and needed. When it isn't, especially when on your zafu, put that tool away and live life with your everyday mind. Then, as you come to realize that meditation is NOT just that time spent on your cushion, that it should should include your entire day with all that entails, then learn how to live the majority of your day in everyday mind.

Besides the Canon User Manual, of course, possibly one of the best descriptions of everyday mind is the "Touching The Present Moment" chapter of Dainin Katagiri's spectacular book Each Moment Is The Universe. Just as a teaser, i'll offer that in it he says:

Right now, right here is a great opportunity. That is the moment you are you, as you really are, prior to the germination of thinking. For this you must be in time; you must be at the moment where you cannot think about a previous moment or a following moment. How can you do this? Just pat your ideas on the head and pass by. To pat their head means to just practice continually, just become empty and flexible. Then this emptiness makes your life alive in the universe and you are ready to act.

So the next time an unnecessary thought pops up in your head, the next time you see yourself making an unrequired judgement, the next time you feel anger start to raise it's head, ... pat that thought on the head as you would the pestering kid tugging on your pat leg as you're talking to a friend, look at it lovingly, smile widely, and let it pass by without another thought.

This is to Live.

Tying Knots, Connecting Threads

2011-08-15T13:37:00.003-05:00

It's long been undeniable that one of my favorite books is Dōgen Zenji's Shōbōgenzō. I would never put Pabongka Rinpoche's Liberation In The Palm of Your Hand in that category though. It's a great book, mind you, but one of my favorites? Given all the other books i love? Then why do i pull it off the shelf all the time when i'm just looking for something to think about? I have the paper copy on my bookshelves, within arm's reach of the chair i read in most often, and i have a digital copy on both my Sony Reader and my iPad. Does my heart like this book more than my head realizes?

Anyway, this morning i spent a little time with Dōgen and his chapter Shinjin Gakudō (Learning Through The Body & Mind) and ended up spending the rest of the morning while trimming hedges and doing yardwork with these thoughts:

"Buddhist practice through the body is more difficult than practice through the mind. Intellectual comprehension in learning through the mind must be united to practice through our body. This unity is called shinjitsunintai — 'the real body of man.' Shinjitsunintai is the perception of 'everyday mind' throughout the phenomenal world. If we harmonize the practice of enlightenment with our body the entire world will be seen in its true form.

...

"What we are concerned with is the physical and spiritual action of shinjitsunintai. When we use the expression 'the entire world is contained in each particle' we do not mean the physical world itself [we are not talking about space but experience]."

After lunch i was poking around in Liberation and in a quote attributed to the 7th Dalai Lama, Kaelzang Gyatso, saw this"

"What we call 'living' is but a journey on the highway to death."

Now, there is nothing new in the understanding that from the very instant of our birth we begin the long process of dying; that with each breath, with each moment that passes we are closer to that instant when we take our last breath. Life is the journey towards our death. That's true and there is no getting around it, but that's not the lesson.

What matters is how we live that journey, how we make use of the time allotted to us. What's important is that, like all journeys, we have the choice of where we spend our days, what we do, how we spend our time, what we focus on, etc. Some people lead completely intellectual lives. Others lead completely physical lives. Many try and balance the two with varying results.

Dōgen tells us how important it is to get that balance right. It is only when we get the balance between our intellectual practice and our physical practice right that we are able to see the world in its real form, when we are able to see 'everyday mind' throughout the entire world.

Dōgen points out that 'the entire world' is not, repeat not, a separate physical 'something' out there; outside of who and what you are. The 'entire world' is not physical, it is experience. Your world is comprised of you, the physical world, every experience you have every had, and every experience you will ever have. My world is comprised of me, the physical world, every experience i have every had, and every experience i will ever have. My 'entire world' is not the same world as your 'entire world.' And on and on, ad infinitum, for every being in existence.

And yet they are the same.

So what's the point? I guess it would be, what answers do you come up with when you ask yourself:

- What is everyday mind? More than the usual trash that rattles around our heads all the time?

- What does it mean to see everyday mind throughout the entire world?

- What does it mean that the entire world is experience?

- If the entire world is experience, what does it mean to see everyday mind throughout experience?

- What is a physical practice? More than liturgy and bowing?

And for extra credit, if your world is different than mine, which is different from everyone else's, why are they the same?

Enormous Differences

2011-08-08T22:02:00.003-05:00

"The question my life presses upon me, whether I face it directly or not, is 'How shall I live?' 'As what kind of person?' All of us face the task of constructing a life for ourselves, of shaping ourselves into certain kinds of people who will live lives of one kind or another, for better or worse. Some people undertake their task deliberately; they make choices in life in view of an image of the kind of person they would hope to become. From the early beginnings of their tradition, Buddhists have maintained that nothing is more important than developing the freedom implied in their activity of self-cultivation—of deliberately shaping the kind of life you will live. For Buddhists, this is the primary responsibility and opportunity that human beings have. It is, they claim, our singular freedom, a freedom available to no other beings in the universe. And although circumstances beyond anyone's control will make very different possibilities available for different people, Buddhists have always recognized that the difference between those who assume the task of self-sculpting with imagination, integrity, and courage, and those who do not is enormous, constituting in Buddhism the difference between enlightened ways of being in the world and unenlightened ways."

The Six Perfections: Buddhism And The Cultivation of Character
Dale Wright

And so begins a new book pulled off the shelves. The six perfections. The six paramitas. Six bright lights illuminating the fact that Life itself is the henro trail.

Some Things Are Meant To Be

2011-08-06T18:01:00.005-05:00

It seems that sometimes in my life things work out in such a way that i can do nothing but shake my head and wonder if the outcome was just meant to be, just what was supposed to happen. Two examples.

During my recent bike ride each day was a struggle trying to balance riding in the heat, stopping before it got too hot, and finding a campground or hotel anywhere in the area where i wanted to stop.

But, once i made the decision to throw in the towel, everything seemed to fall into place. The sidewall of my rear tire is blowing out so i worried about the last 30 mile ride to the airport where i would pick up the rental car i would use to get home. While trying to figure out what to do i walked down to a restaurant near the hotel i was staying at. Out of the blue, the man at the table next to me offered to drive me all the way to the airport. Didn't know him (obviously), had never met him before, and hadn't told him that i was looking for a ride.

Earlier in the day, when i had called Avis to reserve a car, the woman told me that the price for the rental car would be about $200, with tax and unlimited miles. Compared to flying with a bike that is a great deal, especially since i had no box to pack the bike in and no desire to dismantle the bike. When my new friend dropped me off at the airport, i was told the price was $107. I reminded her that she had told me $200, to which she simply smiled and said "i found you a better price."

Once i quit fighting the trip and accepted the outcome i was apparently supposed to have, everything simply fell into place with no effort required on my part.

Today, on the way home from the bookstore with one of my sisters, i asked if we could stop at a garden nursery that i haven't been to in 10 years. They are one of the most expensive nurseries in town so i never go there, but i'm trying to find a small squirrel for my garden to replace the one that jumped in front of my lawn mower earlier this year to avoid another boring summer of just sitting around all day in the heat.

As we were walking around we saw this magnificently beautiful Japanese pagoda for sale for $150. I obviously don't have $100 so i told the owner that i hoped he couldn't sell it so that i might have the chance to come back in the fall by which time i could save enough money.

The owner decided i needed it and told me that if i gave him $110 i could take it home. That is still too high, but given that it was worth every penny of the $150, then $110 was a very good bargain. I tried one more time to prevent the purchase by telling him that i still couldn't do it, but if he would come down to $100 i'd take it. I wasn't bargaining, just admitting that i didn't have that much money. To my utter surprise, he said OK, on the condition i give him cash and buy it right then.

Well, everyone that knows me knows i seldom even have $20 in my pocket — usually less than $10 — and that's when my sister piped in that she probably had $100 on her. She wasn't sure why, but when she went to the bank this morning she decided to take out more than she usually does in case she needed it and arbitrarily chose $100 as the amount she might need.

I borrowed the cash and we walked out with a four foot tall Japanese pagoda that now sits in my front yard near the torii.

And for what it's worth, here is my house last fall:

And here it is again after painting it this spring. Decided to get rid of the beige colors and go with tans and greens.

The Truth Is

2011-08-05T21:37:00.002-05:00

It's really not hard
The truth is and that is it
Or certainly not

And that's just a thought
Also not hard but not soft
Unless it is both

Something's Fishy

2011-07-29T21:41:00.003-05:00

It's fishy you know
How it's there yet maybe not
The way i'd a thought

Coming To An End. Moving On

2011-07-23T18:33:00.003-05:00

Last night on the road...

Rode the last 30 miles this morning to Seymour with a two week total coming to about 650 miles. Staying at the local hotel and had planned to be on the road between 6:00 and 6:30 tomorrow morning.

The first order of business after checking in was to find a rental car company that would rent me a car for the one-way trip back to Chicago. Surprisingly, for me anyway, almost everyone told me no. One company told me yes and then said the cost was around $550. Five hundred and fifty dollars!! I declined the offer. Finally found another agency that said yes — $150+tax per day, unlimited mileage, and no drop off fee. Problem is, i have to pick it up at the airport, which would be another 17 miles further down the road.

I decided to investigate the possibility of finding a taxi or limo from Seymour to the Springfield airport, but in Amish country in the middle of nowhere, that idea didn't pan out at all. While still trying to think of other options other than riding the bike all the way, i walked a few blocks down the road to the local Chinese restaurant, which could take a blog post all on its own. Chinese? Restaurant? Living near Chicago obviously spoils you.

When i got there i noticed an old beat up black pickup truck in the parking lot and figured it belonged to some kid. I have to admit that i thought about asking around inside the restaurnt for the owner and trying to bribe him for a ride; people around here aren't rich and the kid could probably use the money. I also admit that i chickened out of trying.

While eating the 70 year old husband at the table next to me started a conversation with me and when I told him what I was doing he offered me a ride to the airport in the morning, tonight if I wanted it. I jumped on the offer. He only wanted enough to cover his gas, I offered him over twice that because it is such a huge convenience for me. This was great news.

As we left, he said he'd be at the hotel at 8:00 in the morning to pick me up. He told me to look for him in that old beat up black pickup sitting out in the lot. :-)

Shocking news! I had my first flat tire this morning. Unbelievable. I didn't bother patching it, I just put in a new inner tube. I never could find an obvious puncture in either the inner tube or in the tire, and the inner tube held air when I tested it later. Not sure what was going on. Maybe the valve stem? But, what I did notice was that the tire bead is starting to break apart in one place; it really looks nasty. Nasty enugh that I wonder if that was the cause of the flat. Nasty enough that I was worried about the 30+ mile ride to Springfield tomorrow. When I get home not only will I have to replace the tire, but the mechanic who replaced my spoke last week told that the wheel itself will need replacing after my trip so i'll do that at the same time.

So what next? The rest of the summer will be devoted to re-doing my downstairs bathroom and building a Japanese-inspired gate leading into my backyard. In the bathroom i'll rip out the cabinet and sink and put in a pedestal sink, replace the 1850s era toilet, do "something" with the shower, and change the color of the paint on the walls. I already designed the gate, but won't post pictures until it's done. I'm excited about the gate, just tolerating the work in the bathroom because it needs to be done.

Chasing Dogs

2011-07-22T09:48:00.004-05:00

It's a quarter of ten and I just rolled into Mountain Grove where i'll spend the day and night. It was a 28 mile morning of rolling hills on the side of a major highway but the shoulder was both paved and about 5 feet wide so the traffic and I got along well. It's already hot but a big part of that is the humidity. Seems like a waste to stop so early, but the next hotel is another 30 miles down the road so this is home for the night.

Forgot to tell you about my dog encounter yesterday morning.

As I crested a hill, which means I had been climbing uphill, which means I couldn't run even if I had wanted to,... I noticed him sitting right on the edge of the road watching me and waiting. Very patiently. Very quietly.

I crossed to the other side of the road, but he still got up and trotted towards me. I yelled "stay" and "back" like I usually do but he ignored me completely. Thing was, though, he never barked, never growled, and never bared his teeth. He just trotted right behind my right side, right behind my heel.

I weaver back and forth across the road to try and shake him but he wasn't going anywhere, he marked every move I made — sometimes behind my left side sometimes behind my right.

After 3-4 minutes of this he must decided that I was no fun and that I wasn't going to play along and let him chase me so he sped up and ran just in front of me for another 3-4 minutes. Maybe he was hoping I would chase him? I don't think so.

In the end, we rode together for about a mile (?) before he finally turned around and headed home. Interesting.

Tomorrow morning I head to Seymour, another 30 miles closer to Springfield.

It's Time To Quit 2

2011-07-21T12:31:00.003-05:00

After a little searching, here's what i've come up with.

- The only rental car agency within 50 miles is Enterprise, and they tell me that Enterprise doesn't allow one way rentals.
- For this area, National and Alamo only rent from the Springfield airport

- It appears that I have to go to Springfield, MO, if I want to find a car. That's about 90 miles from here (Houston, MO)
- Since I can only ride in the mornings, and I only see one campground between here and there that means I need to use some hotels.

- Looks like I will ride from Houston to Mountain Grove tomorrow. 30 miles.
- Mountain Grove to Seymour on Saturday. 30 miles.
- Seymour to Springfield on Sunday. 30 miles again.

I'd like to do this as 2 days of 45 miles each, but because of the spacing between hotels it is either 30/30/30, 30/60, or 60/30, and 60 miles is out of the question.

It's Time To Quit

2011-07-21T09:25:00.003-05:00

In Houston, MO. Rolled into town at 9:30am and the next reasonable place to stop it much too far so this is where i'm spending the day and the night. I can not ride past about 11:00 with this heat. It will be a long day.

But that is irrelevant.......

I'm throwing in the towel. I can't take the heat and the forecast now says it will continue through next week. Kansas is worse than Missouri with daily temperatures above 100. I tried to ride all day on Tuesday and thought I might not finish alive. A motorist even pulled over and asked if I was OK; said I looked "distressed." Luckily, by that time I was less than 5 mi to the campground where I was going to spend the night. That was when I got smart and said no more afternoon riding.

So, the only thing left is to figure out how to get out of the middle of nowhere. I'm going to rent a car and drive home. But I have no idea where I can get one around here. I'll ask around but I may have to ride to Springfield, MO, and that is still about 3 days away, given I can only ride a third of the day.

I guess i'll just have to admit that not all dreams come true.

Have I Told You?

2011-07-18T13:06:00.003-05:00

Did I ever tell you that I hate dogs?

Today's friendly encounter was with a pack of three of them, but two were obviously the leaders. After last year's crash I don't try and outrun them anymore I just stop and hope they lose interest, with my bike between them and me and a can of pepper spray in one hand.

I saw these three take off from the front yard at a full sprint. They didn't come straight at me, but angled through the yard and through the next yard so that by the time I got there they would have perfectly intercepted me. Problem was, I stcpped when I saw them so there we were, me stopped in front of one driveway them standing in the road in front of the next barking and running in circles as if taunting me to move ahead.

I partially blocked traffic in the hopes that with traffic coming to a stop the dogs would lose interest and go home but no luck. Traffic just kept going, the dogs stood their ground and kept barking, and I just stood there.

After 5 minutes or so the owner came out and gave me the standard line: they won't hurt you. Bull shit. This owner was at least a little more honest and said "they won't hurt you, they just want to chase you down the road." Incredible bull shit.

The owner told me to ride and that he would stand there and watch them. Which he did, and no more. I rode at a snails pace and they tracked me move for move for about 100 yards, never attacking but always there barking, growling, and with teeth bared.

Did I tell you that I hate dogs?

Got to Johnson's Shut-Ins State Park at 11:00 after an easy morning of riding, except for the dogs, which I hate (did I tell you that yet?). No one was at the check-in booth but a sign said to go to Site 201. When I got there no one was home, turns out they have the day off. Went to the camp store. They were closed and didn't open until 5:00. So much for lunch.

It's now 1:00 and i'm just sitting at a picnic table by the store staying out of the sun. Will try the check-in booth again at 3:00 when they are supposed to open.

Today was easy, the next two days are supposed to be long and hard again.

Did I tell you I hate dogs? And many dog owners.

In The Hills

2011-07-17T19:24:00.004-05:00

A brutal, brutal, murderously brutal day. It was hills all the way from Chester, IL, to Farrmington, MO. Oh, don't get me wrong, the scenery was spectacular, with rolling hills filled with farms, fields of corn, beans, or huge bales of hay and with a half dozen or more vineyards. Yes, I don't deny that it was beautiful, but insanely brutal. Because of the heat.

I walked up more hills today than I have in years. When it is this hot I just have no strength in my legs and today (and the next 3 days) are putting them to the test.

Even though I did walk up a lot of hills, I still rolled into Farmington at 2:00 and found a new "Inn" set up for riders of the TransAm. It's quite the spread and I wouldn't mind living here. Hardwood floors, plush leather furniture, Cable TV, Internet, wired and wireless, and air-conditioned. There's bunk beds for about 50 people but tonight there are only 4 of us — one solo rider and two Brits all heading East, and myself. Still haven't met any other west-bound riders but others tell me they are out there.

Except for in the hills i'm feeling good. My legs and shoulders are peeling badly from the burn they got on day one, but they don't hurt. Cardio-vasculurly i'm getting stronger each day and i think the quads are as well. But based on today, i could be in trouble when i get to Colorado and the Rockies. :-)

Tomorrow I ride somewhere around 38 miles to Johnson's Shut-Ins State Park. It's supposed to be nothing but hills. Up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, up, ...... well you get the idea.

Confusion

2011-07-17T17:04:00.002-05:00

Japan beats the US for the World Cup title in an incredibly good match. Don't know whether to cry or to jump up and down cheering. ??

The Japanese women played like the champions they are and deserve the title. おめでとうございます！

Giving Away Gold

2011-07-16T14:55:00.011-05:00

It's another scorcher out there. Right now (@3pm) it's 89° with a heat index of 98°.

Weeks like this make me appreciate all the more the toughness of the riders in the Tour de France. Also reminds me of a famous quote i've read attributed to one of the famous riders of the past, I don't remember which one but maybe Hinault or Indurian. In response to a question about using performance enhancing drugs he said "What, you think we can do what we do on water?" :-)

Saw the mighty Mississippi River this morning! The ride from Carbondale to Murphysboro was easy. From Murphysboro to where I picked up Highway 3 to get to Chester, though, was a different story. In short, it kicked my butt. Up and down all the way with some of the climbs making even 1st gear cry in pain. Once on Highway 3 life was back to flat and except for one very nasty encounter with a dog and his owner a pleasant ride to Chester.

I admit to walking up a couple of hills into town. They were long and steep and I asked myself "why bother killing yourself?" It was the end of today's ride, it was hot, and I had nothing to prove to anyone. Why force myself to ride it? So I walked. Simple. Save the legs for cooler days and other climbs.

Made it to Chester by noon and swung by the post office to mail a few thing back to Chicago. Decided that I had a few things (cold weather gear) that I wanted, just in case, but didn't need. Given that this heat isn't supposed to relent for another week, I decided I didn't want the weight they added.

While at the post office a local stopped to chat. He's a bike rider and runner and has known other cross country riders so enjoys talking to us. He's ridden that big (20k+ people) cross-Iowa bike ride four times so has a good understanding of what this takes. He also suggested i consider staying at a local Eagle Scout campsite in town rather than camping in the park. The facilities sounded great and i could get dinner there so i readily agreed and that is what i had planned to do. After chatting a while we parted ways, him home and me to Subway for lunch.

While eating Bob showed up again, this time to invite me home to spend the night. As he said, he had thought of asking earlier but needed to go home first to check with "the boss." It turns out i'm not the first stray they accepted for the day. So here I sit in their air conditioned basement, using their wifi, a nice shower, and free access to their kitchen (which I won't use). Very, very nice couple. Friendly outgoing people with hearts of gold.

Tomorrow morning i'll cross the might Mississippi and head into Missouri. The guidebook has me stopping in Farmington tomorrow, then going to Johnson's Shut-Ins State Park the next, and then on to Eminence on Tuesday. Each one of those is too short (one of them only 36 miles) and i'd like to combine them into two days somehow, but given this heat I admit to being fearful of pushing myself too far on any one day. Right now i'm guessing i'll leave the schedule alone and plan on doing a lot of reading in the afternoons. Maybe the Egyptians were right and the sun isn't just some inanimate object up in the sky... and somehow i've angered her... and this heat is her revenge???

Things to think about this afternoon...

Venkatesananda says:

"There is variety in creation; the infinite can be viewed from infinite angles and approached in infinite ways. Temperament and tradition are the main guiding (not deciding) factors here. The waters of the ocean are the same, whatever be the name given to the ocean at different points on the globe.

"The man of mystic temperament ‘beholds the self in the self by the self' in deep meditation. ... ‘I' do not see the self, but the self itself sees the self in the self. Self-realisation is merely seeing that what you and I previously regarded as the self, never existed! "

Kosho Uchiyama quotes his teacher, Sawada Roshi, as saying:

"Zazen is just our whole self doing itself by itself."

I like what Venkatesananda says, but think that he stops just short of the goal. He's right there, but leaves the meditator as that ego sitting on the cushion. Uchiyama, and Sawada, step over the stream into new land by recognizing that the meditator doesn't behold the self, the self behold's the self. That's easy to say, but not so easy to work with because if you ever say, or think, that "you've" gotten there, then you haven't — there is no "you" at that point. Don't get me wrong, that stupid Lao Bendan will still be sitting on his butt, but "he" is nowhere around.

A Lazy Man's Day

2011-07-15T15:56:00.007-05:00

I guess you could call this a lazy man's day on the trail. Or pure fate. Or just plain and simple good Luck.

Today's goal was simply get to Carbondale, where I pick up the TransAm Trail tomorrow morning. Since it was only 55 miles, I got into town a little before 2:00, even with a great many stops to get something to drink and to get out of the sun. I was happy to find that the hotel I chose gives discounts to cross country bikers. Yippee. So without further ado, I was in my room with a pot of coffee brewing by the sink, and with the TV on.

Now let me back up for a minute and say that as a general life principle I hate violence. Abhor it. I don't read books or authors that include violence, don't play video games that include violence, don't watch movies that include any violence. That last one means that I almost never go to the movies and when people talk about them, I never know what they are talking about. Most people just look at me in disbelief when I tell them this, but that is who I am and a major part of my values.

Having said all that, I sheepishly admit that two of my favorite movies, and I own them both, are the Kill Bill series. Love the sword fighting, love the samurainess of the message, love the skill, persistence, and never-ending drive of Uma Thurmon's character. So what? When I turned on the TV today, they had just started playing all of the Kill Bill movies. She's got her Hattori Honzo sword and she's mightily pissed off. Bill has been put on alert. Ohhhh, this is going to be a good lazy man's afternoon of laying around watching TV. :-)

The temperatures here are on the rise again. It is supposed to be in the mid-90s through Tuesday and then go up to the upper-90s for 2-3 days after that. When the temperature is that high I just have no energy; there may be long stretches of rolling hills where I don't even have the legs to ride on the middle chainring, staying in the bottom 8 gears for mile after mile. It's not very fast, but at least it allows me to keep moving forward.

So how do you keep moving when it would be easier to throw in the towel? Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said it well when he said "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."

Or that other one by someone I don't remember when he/she said something like "Our lives are shaped by our expectations, not by our accomplishments."

How do you keep moving forward? By having high expectations of yourself. Uma just got buried alive. She's starting to freak out as she hears each shovelful of dirt being thrown on the coffin. But we know she makes it out. How? By going back to the mental training and discipline she learned long before, by refusing to give up, and by having huge expectations of herself.

So that's it: Training, discipline, both physical and mental, and having an expectation of success. Training takes discipline. Discipline is fine tuned and honed with training, and persisting, maybe even stepping it up, even when you aren't currently seeing improvement. Never wavering high expectations are maintained through discipline. These three are like three strands of a tight weave — possibly weak one by one, but solid as steel when woven together.

One More Day

2011-07-14T18:24:00.004-05:00

I guess I should go back and take some remedial math classes. I completely misjudged today's ride; by the time I called it a night I had ridden just over 71 miles. But, spending the night in Mt. Vernon puts me in position to get to Carbondale, and the TransAm Trail, tomorrow. That should be about 55 miles from here, so if I get on the road by 7:00, I should get there in the early part of the afternoon.

Unfortunately, the temperature starts heating up again tomorrow. Starting tomorrow and going to Sunday, the temperature will climb each day with Saturday in the low 90s and Sunday in the mid- to upper-90s. Oooohhh, that's going to hurt. Again :-(

Another aspect of the heat is that my budget has gone to hell. I decided long, long ago that just water wasn't working so I now stop every 10 miles or so and get some Gatorade and a Payday candy bar. I feel better, but it costs.

Met Larry today in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Actually it was at the General Store and that may have been between two towns. Larry loves to talk and we chatted for about a half hour before I left and headed down the road again. He's out of work, but does side jobs, very much over weight, both knees have been blown out so he's not all that mobile, never wears shoes and always goes barefoot, and was at the store to buy some beer for the day. Everyone that stopped by, or even drove past, said hello to him and many told him they expected one of his beers later. We chatted about almost every subject under the sun. He has lived an interesting life.

Larry's companion was his grandson, who told me that Larry was his "best buddy." Their task for the next part of the day was to find some beets for lunch. Later Larry told me that at some earlier time in his grandson's life he had suffered 'nutritional problems.' I wanted to ask him about the planned beer and beets for lunch, but decided it was none of my business so kept my mouth shut.

As I said, the TransAm runs through Carbondale, so I should find it sometime tomorrow. There are no campgrounds in town so i'll stay in a hotel near the trail if I can. When I start riding on Saturday i'll officially be "on the trail!" :-)

From there, the next day to Chester should be less than 50 miles (maybe just over 40) which then puts me on the schedule of the guidebook I plan on following. But if the temperature is supposed to be in the upper-90s on Sunday, a 45 mile day will be nice.

Bike Repairs 2

2011-07-13T19:29:00.003-05:00

I forgot to plug the bike shop that worked on my bike. If you need bike work done in Effingham, IL, be sure to stop by "Bike & Hike" on Jefferson St. And look for Robby. Great guy. Really nice shop.

Bike Repairs

2011-07-13T17:11:00.004-05:00

Didn't turn out to be quite as short a day as I had hoped, but it was productive. And expemsive.

I rolled into Effingham at just over 40 miles but on the way to the campground I saw a bike shop. I broke a spoke on the rear wheel yesterday, and since it wasn't spreading and the wheel wasn't too untrue I had planned to fix it in Carbondale. But passing a shop was too good to pass up so I pulled in. In the end he couldn't fix it (his mechanic was off) but he called another shop on the other side of town and that guy said "Sure, come on over." For $45 he replaced the spoke, trued the tire, adjusted the rear brake, cleaned and lubed the rear derailleur, and cleaned and lubed the chain. Good deal.

By the time I finally got back to find the campground I had ridden just over 48 miles. If I wanted to eat dinner later it meant another 2 mile ride to the highway and then the same coming back. I decided to spend $12 and let a local pizza place deliver some spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread. I ate it all, which is a good sign -- with today's cooler temps my appetite is coming back.

HUGE rainstorm last night. Tent was waterproof from above, but from below..... Had water on the floor when I got up this morning. Not a lot but I would have gotten wet had I not slept off the floor on my Therm-o-Rest. Huge storm.

Tomorrow will be over 60 miles to Mt. Vernon, IL. But cooler again. Have been riding through the heart of Illinois farm land and it's interesting to see the difference in farm crops. Some corn is barely 6 feet tall, other head high with tassels just starting to come out. Still others have pollenated and the ears are starting to grow.

No shoulders on Route 45 but drivers are treating me well. No yelling, no horn honking, no running me off the road. Happy, happy, happy.

Tonight's campground has showers so it's time to use one and shave for the first time this week.